A momentary break in the traffic and the unfamiliar silence it brings to my flat really brings home to me how far back to normal things are, even if the wheyfaced blubbering incompetents who we voted for are still switching things on and off at random whilst apparently dropkicking the whole 10.8 billion arts sector on purpose : “ballerinas can get to the back of the queue” whilst setting fire to the north. I’m seeing so much fear in strange places. So many people being reactive and angry and weird. It’s not a happy time.
In government in the UK are men and women who were mostly ripped away from the family unit as small children and then taught to hide their humanity whilst being inflated with self-importance. I went through that system. It’s not designed to make an empathetic human, and they are well minted examples of the faceless protective narcissist form. No surprise it’s easy to think they’re lizards. One of the stamps somehow missed my face a bit but it still left a mark. I can see their fear, these little men and women hiding behind easily learnt status signals and outright lies. It’s abject. They’re destructive. We really shouldn’t have a system where the people who want to be in charge get to be in charge. This and Trump is what comes of it. Blustering horror shows fronting silent staring monsters. Bojo covering for classic Dom.
We are losing our sense of community to fear. Touch is so powerful, and it’s stigmatised. We are covering our faces too, losing the nuance of expression. We are forgetting the invisible power of our olfactory system to help us negotiate emotions. We frequently smell fear, desire, pride, anger – even before any other part of us knows it. Zoom meetings lose all the silent nuance and can lead to deep misunderstandings that wouldn’t happen in person.
If someone gives us a present we might immediately douse it in alcohol and then demonstrably wash our hands. That’s a hell of a signal. What is this doing to us all psychologically? People who know for sure they’ve had this fucker already still feel they can’t hug each other or even shake hands in case we can get it again. But nobody even knows. The loudest voice wins. Because there are no hard and fast rules, and in the UK Dominic Cummings has demonstrated with no consequence that all the rules are optional anyway. So people are policing each other just based on their own personal rule sets. “It’s obedience training!” “It’s a common courtesy!” “Sheep!” “Murderer!”
People who were already suffering with OCD must be in hell with the fear and not knowing. I’m glad I’m free of that one. But I’m worried there’s more to come. And all the while everybody will be constantly angry about us going about things wrong because we aren’t going about things like they are. And the algorithm goes chop, and we block the person who triggers us, and we reduce as we isolate and retract further and further, first from people unlike us, then from people like us, then from ourselves, then from the world.