Steamed vegetables that were close to going off but still ok. With a bit of salt. On a plate. That was my supper tonight. I need to get better at recipes that don’t involve a big chunk of meat.
This time last lockdown I was into my second bottle of wine and wondering which side of me was the front. I probably had steak hanging out of the corner of my mouth and chips up my nose.
I am coming up to 4 months sober. Running alongside this is a mostly healthy diet with no caffeine and only a little meat. My dad was faddy in the extreme with his diet, so my brother rolls his eyes at me for this. But I’ve got to look at what needs to be done. Much as I’m good at forgetting this, I’m not 20 anymore. The pace at which I was going wouldn’t have been sustainable, especially considering the congenital weak liver I’ve almost certainly inherited along with all these boxes of weird stuff. Also I literally can’t afford to get myself drunk on top of all the bills and day to day expenses. In terms of Corona budgeting, it’s the right one to drop, the booze. Maybe with better use in kinder times. Maybe.
Now I’m clear headed I’ll be ready to do whatever creative interesting madness I find myself immersed in next. I’m also glad of the pause for home reshuffling, as I suspect that without it Max and I could’ve ended up shelling out for storage until it defaulted.
Sobriety gives me the morning back properly, and that’s crucial at this time of year. Last push before Solstice, people. Only three more weeks when the days get shorter. We are almost over the hill, and Jupiter is just about to block Saturn in Aquarius which, as with all astrology, can mean pretty much whatever you want it to mean but I choose for it to mean positive change because that’s always the best interpretation of anything.
I hate it when it feels like the afternoon and I’m full of vim and I look out the window and it’s already dark. It could be worse, it could be pouring with rain as well. But this quarter of the year is my least favourite, and this year hasn’t been a favourite year for anyone that doesn’t know one of the Tory Cabinet personally. I like the light, the heat, the breeze, the colour. These flat grey skies ceding to cold dark nights – there can be beauty. But it’s not for me. I bought lottery tickets last night to no avail. All these cheap flights because airlines are desperate for custom and nobody wants to travel – I’d take a punt on a week in the sun if I was sleeping in a bath full of money. I might still do it. But Christmas is coming up now and there’s stuff to arrange. I still don’t know what will be possible. But something. Something will be…