Fed up. It seems no matter what there’s always a parasite. Every time I think I’ve worked hard enough to dig up towards the light something comes with a plunger and shunks me back down. I’m getting there. But today I’m just feeling weak, shifted, dark and sad. We move forward, we move back. It’s tidal. But eventually the cliffs fall down, surely surely?

What’ve I done today? Posted stuff and felt sad. I walked a lot. I walked all over. There are lots of men about my age in Pikachu costumes stumbling around London hoping it’ll pay. At least I’m not doing that, I guess. Sometimes they stand there with their heads off, overheating, wondering, hoping, doing mathematics.


I know from my stint as Pudsey that the hotter it is the harder it gets in those things and the last few days in London have been hot enough to make wandering round feeling sad into a thing. It’s hard to call it, weatherwise. Either Spring is here or it’s just more climate weirdness. To a large extent I think we’ve got ourselves beyond seasons as we traditionally know them. Although the rainy season is usually about to start, and I’d be happy not to have that too badly. Can’t walk round in circles happily if it’s pouring…

Sorting junk, not acting, driving vans, not acting, making phone calls, not acting. A bunch of guys from my old school went to The Globe on Sunday to celebrate the fact that Jeremy liked them when they were 14. He never liked me. Not acting. I haven’t even been on tour for years. Ok so I won’t work for shit money anymore. But there’s plenty of work out there…

I’ve got a lot to do though. I’ve only got the van for two more weeks, and that’s under sufferance. I screwed up and thought a two month contract was three months. I’ve predicated my existence towards having some time not acting in early April in order to clear out that storage and sort what’s there for friends/carol/Gatsby/eBay. I joined Amazon Selling but they’ve wasted my two days down with a glitch and some idiot going through a checklist in order to tell me what I already know. Apparently I’ve been “escalated” now and have had a computer generated email telling me how sorry it is for my inconvenience, but it won’t buy back the two clear days and tomorrow I’m back in the fray not acting for money.

It’s interesting all this “not acting”, but I’m fed up of it. I need to win the lottery or sort out a passive income stream that allows me to lie on chaiselongues with cigarette holders and announce that I’m “resting” without reflexively punching myself in the neck as soon as I utter the word.

All will be well. It’s just a funny time. It’s a change. I’m off to bed early, ahead of two high pressure days tomorrow at a law firm not acting. Then – who knows what fun is in store…

Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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