A punch bowl

Two cups of rum. I’m using a paper cup but it’s not ideal. I might bring in a china one tomorrow. You need to use the same cup across the board, but you’re gonna put boiling water in there and it’ll hurt your hand with a paper cup.

Dickens invented this punch, or so I’m informed by the internet. That internet though – full of shit it is. Still… it might be true. He wrote the recipe in a letter to his niece. He neglected to say about the paper cups but he was likely too involved with reinforcing the patriarchy to think about it.

Cup. Start with three lemons. Peel them and put the peel in a bowl. Then throw in three quarters of the CUP full of Demerara sugar. So you’ve got sugar and peel in the bowl, and three peeled lemons. Now you can put your costume on. You want to let the sugar infuse with the peel.

Once your clothes are changed and you’ve opened up your vowel sounds a bit, that’s when you start with the rum. Two cups, as I said, and a cup and a bit of Courvoisier VSOP. Did I mention that this stuff is lethal?

Now you’ve got 3 peeled lemons. Are your hands clean? You could just munge them in your fist to get all the juice out and into the mixture, but if someone is watching you or you’ve got tiny little cuts on your fingers then maybe improvise something that looks more hygienic. Back of a ladel in a cup?

There you go. All the booze, bit of lemon and sugar. Now grate in some nutmeg as every good punch needs at least one allergen. Stir a bit and boil the kettle. Then make sure all your resets are done and nobody stole your hats etc etc.

You can leave this one until then minutes before the audience come in, but when they are about to come, go wish everyone a good show, make sure the water is HOT and dump four cups in. Give it a good stir. Cover it and do most of the show.

In snatched moments, give the punch a stir. If you tell your audience you are making punch it is easier. They can smell it anyway so lean into it and then you can help the sugar dissolve.

A touch more hot water at the last minute. Then get Noah to walk out behind you after the birthday song. PUNCH.

This is why it is named after getting hit with something.

Don’t have too much or you’ll forget to write your blog and have to do it the next morning.

Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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