Stuck in a cul de sac

Sometimes your plans have to change. Your attitude to that change can completely affect your experience during and after that change.

I picked up my hire car for this job from the airport. Stands to reason that it would be returned to the same airport… So for tonight, my first night out of the job, I booked an airbnb in a shit cul de sac in walking distance from that airport, knowing that I could drive in, drop my bags, drive out, grab some food, see a bit of evening Cagliari, then drop off the hire car (they told me how to do late night drop off when I picked it up. It costs no more money.) Then walk home.

I told my friend who books the cars what I was doing. Suddenly… Suddenly the car needed to be in Porto Pino tonight in order that *nebulousperson* can drive it because *nebulousperson* might need a car for *nebulousreasons*. They won’t. I don’t believe a word of it. It’s a huge great big porky pie. You rarely obfuscate specifics when it’s true. And this person is usually extremely precise with specifics. I like her, but she ain’t a good liar. Nor am I. That might be part of why I like her.

I tried to offer options, so that *nebulous person* could get full use of the car.

Every option I tried that involved me not being stuck in a cul de sac in walking distance from the airport was shut down. It feels like, in order to prevent me from having some basic freedom of movement she has cost the company about €200 unnecessary euros on my transfer plus likely a further fee from Enterprise to pick up the car from a different location. Maybe as much as €250 wasted euros to help nobody and inconvenience me. Plus she’s left me stuck here. This is the definition of cutting off your nose to spite your face. I thought about not telling her where the key was, knowing that she wouldn’t ask me for days, but that would be unprofessional.

So here I am. I tried to go for a walk and look for food locally. There’s nothing. And I started to get angry.

“What a ridiculous thing to do,” I kept saying out loud. “I shouldn’t have told her my plans. For fucks sake. Stupid behaviour. Pointless, stupid stupid pointless stupid stupid stupid controlling behaviour. What a ridiculous thing to do”. Etc etc round and round It was a lovely evening and I was walking around the shitty streets of the industrial zone swearing to myself despite having just finished a lovely job.

Then I pulled myself up on it.

I’m tired, yes.

It’s ridiculous, yes.

But… I need a rest. Now I get to have one. No social distractions. I’ve ordered Deliveroo. I’m going to eat well, have a hot BATH for a change, maybe read my book, and eventually drift off to bed happy and warm and fed and early. I honestly might otherwise have walked all the way to the airport to eat an angry Macdonald’s just so I could send photographs of crap food saying “I wish you’d told me I wouldn’t be dropping the car off at the airport!!! I would never have stayed in this shitty area.” As it is I’m getting mixed grilled vegetables and local sausage from some lovely local place that delivers, I’ve found some incense which I lit from the hob as no matches and I’m lying on my back on the sofa. And I’m not sending passive aggressive messages. And I’m pretty sure (ha ha let’s see about that one) that this blog is a closed enough loop that she won’t come across me moaning about it to you here.

I’m happy. My body is well used from heat and work. My hands are used as well, and a bit cut up. Swimming in the sea this evening stung them clean, and was a beautiful way to end this leg. Most of the Global Crew were in the same little patch of beach. I wound out with them until it was time to leave. I doubt I would have had a very adventurous night here anyway, if I’m honest. I just didn’t like having my options shut down for no logical reason, and I really hate it when people aren’t square with me. But… I’ve been here for WORK. I guess it’s important to have a separation. Now that I no longer have the wheels I know that the work is done. I can let myself relax into a different state of existence. I don’t have to get up and get at it tomorrow. I will do, of course, but on my own time. I’ll go explore Cagliari in some way.

I still think my friend exhibited weird behaviour. But … Maybe somebody genuinely needs the car. There’s often a whole world you can’t see. It just smells funny. Hey ho. Bedtime.