I’m in bed early. Nic is back in Hampstead and I made the mistake of listening to the news.
It wasn’t a happy listen. The passenger plane going down in Karachi… And it’s the anniversary of the Manchester bombing. Not to mention quarantine and death toll and travel restrictions and oh God it’s all so depressing.
Having an unexpected short term sofa guest made things a little more bearable for a while, but also exposed how far I’ve retreated into myself over this strange period. I’m very used to moving in my own rythms and dealing with just my own needs. It was more of a jolt than I expected to share energy and space with another person. As soon as he left I took most of my clothes off and started spreading out again.
But it’s time to start back to work on self discipline and maintaining useful and helpful patterns of waking and sleeping. I had a short rehearsal this morning and by the end of it I was overheating, dehydrated and tired. I’ll be filming from home on Sunday, and I need to make sure I’m firing on all cylinders by then. So that means switch off the news, ease off the booze and try and shift properly into self care and self discipline despite the excuse of a weekend. It’s not like days of the week hold any particular meaning right now. Every day is just dayday.
It’s a new moon, so a good time to move forward into something fresh. The last couple of weeks I’ve not been parenting myself as well as I was at the start of this. Gone are the involved healthy meals at the table, replaced by a snatched bowl of tortellini and “this pesto should be fine if I scrape the mold off first”. Now it’s time to start thinking about what is going to emerge from the flat when the moment comes around. It feels like this is never-ending but some day we will find a way out. I’d like to come out ready to fire forward alongside the inevitable army of people with a ninja fitness regime.
I’ve been crystallising ideas about how those of us who work in live theatre can start to try and claw back the things that make live theatre special. I’ve been making various crazy plans like a mad professor banging around this flat that turns into an oven on days like this. Maybe the heat makes me think wider. I’m having to keep Hex well ventilated and topped up with water while I’m filling pads with words.
Now I’ve had a hot bath, herbal tea and maybe – just maybe – sleep will come. It’s noisy in my head today.
I’ve been breaking my own rules with Mubi and started watching Kurosawa’s Ran this evening even though it’s there for a few more days. I don’t want to miss out on King Lear with Samurai. It’s started well but it’s incredibly long and I’m trying to prioritise rest.
The sun cooks me awake like I’m in a tent unless I have the windows open wide all night in which case the traffic keeps me up. So I’m forcing myself down by midnight. This guy can wait.