So, mister Barclay, you say it went well?
Yes. Thank you yes. It did.
But you seem a little put out that it did?
No no, I’m fine. I’m happy about it.
If I might observe, you seem adrenalised but conflicted.
There were hundreds of people there. We shut them up and they listened. For a rowdy room like that we had the only penny drop moment. And there are gonna be some great photos.
I’m sensing a “but”.
No buts. It was great. We’re good at this. Look, here’s a photo of the one on Sunday, taken by Richard Wadey. I like it for St Paul’s. I also recognise that expression. And look at the hat??
Thank you, mister Barclay. Yes the hat is … very big. And the mist behind of dusk with St Paul’s Cathedral looks magical, like you were part of something special. Which of course happened tonight as well?
Well. Yes. Yes it went very well tonight.
Did it?
It did yes it did. And they asked us to help with the raffle and the client was really happy generally with what we did…
And…?
You’re not my therapist.
I’m aware of that.
You’re just me but in a different paragraph.
Don’t try to be cute, Al. It went well tonight. What’s the problem?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Nothing.
Nothing?
Nothing.
.
.
.
.
*shifts*
.
It’s ok.
.
.
IT WAS WRITTEN BY ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE.
aaaaaah and there we are. Let it out.
IT WAS ALL REFLECTED NONSENSE FROM FUCKING CHAT GPT
mmmmmm yes nice go on?
AND WE MADE IT GOOD. BECAUSE WE’RE GOOD AT OUR JOB.
There it is. Yes. Mmmmm
IT SHOULDN’T EXIST THIS SHIT SHOULDN’T EXIST NOBODY SHOULD EVER HAVE TO LEARN THIS STUFF AND WE MADE IT GOOD.
oh yeah oh yeah fuck yeah
AND NOW THE PEOPLE WHO PROMPTED IT MIGHT THINK “IT” WAS GOOD RATHER THAN THAT THEY LUCKED INTO FFION AND I TO MAKE IT GOOD!
mmmmm yaaah mmmm go on
Wait. Are you getting off on this?
No.
You fucking are. What the fuck? You were there when we delivered this stuff. We made it sound fun and sexy, that’s our job.
Oh you did make it sexy. Even that gesture you made when you said the word “permission” with your back to that tree. You filthy dog.
I never… I would never be that broad than to welcome hundreds of people to my open body.
It got a laugh.
Yes, they understood it was a theatre thing. I was playing with a drunk audience. I know what I’m doing. It’s my job. That third one was late. They were hammered.
There was a videographer. He was following you around cos he worked out you were gonna give material. There’ll probably be a video of you saying “permission” writhing with your back against a fake tree circulating on the internet before long. You dirty dog.
Well … Come on, there’s only 140 syllables in a sonnet. If it’s shared it’s 70 syllables each. 3 syllables for one word is just … honouring the significance of the word in the journey.
You milked it you Shakespearean prat. You enjoyed it cos you know how words land on audiences. And you know that Ffion and you are experienced and bonded enough. And you know the Underglobe space so well that you can make anything look good there now. Even, I put it to you ladies and gentlemen of the jury… even a Script that you knew from the start was written By AI.
Well. Yeah. Maybe. Maybe you’re right about some of that yeah.
So what’s the problem?
So yeah I’m uncomfortable that I’ve been part of normalising lazy rubbish AI scripts into my own workplace.
Al. Think back. Do you remember corporate jobs in the past?
Well…
Remember when they asked you to make a mime show about bribing supermarkets to stock your products in three hours and you were paid in product? Remember when you had to run down the aisle dressed as an elephant for the launch of Tampax Jumbo? How’s about some of the dialogue that people in offices wrote that you learnt and delivered for those corporate training videos? These guys were just clueless. LLMs at least have eaten the work of people who can write. I bet corporate video scripts are better now than they were when you were making them to sell on VHS.
Those guys though, they were lovely but clueless. They weren’t writers at all sure but they were nice and they were trying. They were just making their training videos, getting the point across. Inevitably they were clueless about script writing. They dashed off those scripts without thought but with heavy agenda. The scripts were entirely on the nose, they were laughable if you zoomed out on them. Like PADI training videos. Media made cheaply and then so many people are forced to watch it.
So what’s the problem? Why not just let the LLMs into the creative space?
Is this the hill I’m gonna die on? I’ve always said we all choose one where we make ourselves irrelevant. It might be AI in creative space for me. Prompters are calling themselves artists. Fake videos are getting more and more convincing. We are all going to be presented with more and more guff that plays to our biases and it isn’t helpful that the notional leader of the free world is mad. Because he could say anything. So we can make anyone say anything. I don’t like that Ffion and I smashed it tonight with an AI script. Rhys said the other day they we could literally have just said the name of the company repeatedly for a minute and likely it would have had the same reception. I think he’s right. But … we want to believe our work has meaning.
How much were you paid for this evening?
I’m not telling you.
But it made it worth it for yourself and the client and the venue?
What price is the future?
Al. You’re being a ponce. And it’s because you’re an artist. You’re good at this. Take the money and run baby. They are genuinely lucky they got you and Ffion.
But you’re just me, talking to me, so isn’t this really just an absurdly narcissistic format for a blog from someone who is conflicted about their own life choices and trapped in a spiral of self worth and identity? Do you need money or something?
Why are you giving that link to people at this point in our conversation?
Because you made it months ago, and the only payment is from your girlfriend’s cat.
I’m not writing this for money.
Because you’re an idiot.
Screw you.
No. You have to work out how to somehow justify the time you spend on these blogs. You think about them sometimes for ages before you write them. And … think of the blog world now. How many Ai blogs are out there? Look at how much dross people can generate these days in seconds. It’s like what you did tonight. Very few actors would have held the space like that and impressed the client. You and Ffion absolutely smashed it with atrocious material.
I feel sick.
You should. But you need to try and work out how to make this blog at least cost neutral for yourself. You pay hundreds of pounds a year.
Ugh. Ok look. Life is expensive. But I’m okay with that cos I’m committed to getting this madness out there. Who knows why or for who. But it’s happening. It keeps me alive and accountable. I don’t share it.
Why don’t you share it are you mad? You need to persuade people to share something that is historically reliable. Some of them are shit. Most of them are ok. Once in a blue moon there’s a good one. But you’ve been writing every day without fail for almost 7 years now. Sure you’ve taken some blogs down for good reason. But what’s the point of doing this every day no matter what if you aren’t shouting about it?
Surely the fact I’m not shouting about it is the appeal, in this day and age? You want me to try and make some money? Fine. HERE IS MY DONATION LINK. Happy now?
And are you going to encourage people to share and subscribe if they like it.
Go fuck yourself.
