A beautiful festival. It has left me hungry to hold space. I kind of do anyway when I’m running my workshops, be they Shakespeare or Public Speaking or Voice or Science. I do in a one on one capacity when I’m part of an art installation giving people an otherly and joyful experience. But building a brand takes time and people trust brands more. My acting needs to be primary, always, otherwise I will implode into a singularity with a tiny pop. But in my vast collection of things I’m meaning to do loads of art some point it is the one that has bubbled up to the top.
Tomorrow I’ll go back to London though and get swept up in that. But yeah…
I walked out of a couple of workshops, not because I was bored, but because they felt unsafe. There was one guy, a pound shop Russell Brand with a dress on. He immediately opened by making everyone uncomfortable, patronised people when they asked for clarity. Then he gave his credentials which were basically that he had dropped out in Ibiza for a decade and walked the Inca Trail in his gap year. “Can you speak up please?” someone called, and he paused for a moment before continuing at exactly the same volume.
We all got a thimble of his Cacao – “it’s my cacao they sell at the drinks stand” he tells us and I make a note not to go there. Then he started playing with his shaky toy and we both couldn’t stand a second longer. “Is it me or are British men generally just worse at holding space?” I asked this just now of Helen. They’re great at “This is how you build a fire,” and “Here’s how to operate this machine,” but “Come into this room and let’s look at your grief?” Nah. Lou reckons it’s cos men come from the head and women come from the heart. She went on to say “that’s a massive generalisation,” which it is, but where there’s smoke there’s fire. All four of the sessions I walked out of were run by men. This isn’t professional jealousy, I’m not far enough down that track or invested enough. But as a man who is interested in this sector with a highly developed skillset towards it and a sensitivity, am I able to transcend the ego that makes such a statement enough to run a safe space? I’m a helpful soul and if I think there’s a need I like to try and meet it. From where I’m sitting we need more good men holding space for people, be it about confidence, be it ceremonial, be it teaching fun things, be it dealing with hard things… The women are fantastic at it, but as a man I sometimes want to respond to a male energy. There are definitely ways to hold great male ceremonies. Aho Rob. Aho the Yawanawa I met this weekend. Aho Jamie Catto, this is my church.
Anyway. The festival is done. I’m going back to be part of the art and to bring my new thinking into my work with the mystic Panda. Sorry guys, it has all been a bit woo woo recently. I’ll get back to shouting about stuff before long I’m sure.
I’m with Lou. A flying visit. Gonna sign off.
AlBarclay 