Chocolate can make you feel better. We’ve all been there. Sitting on the sofa shoveling handfuls of it into our faces watching people fall in love on the telly. Don’t try to deny it. I saw you.
Why does it make us happy? Ok, yeah, sugar, sure. Anyone that’s ever met a Mormon knows that sugar makes you happy in a kind of full on wired bouncy bouncy “oh my god my cheeks are gonna burst” way. But also there’s cacao. “That’s the same as cocoa right?” you say as another vegan explodes in a shower of kale. Don’t say it! We need our vegans intact. They’re helping us realise the extent to which we’re messing everything up. Cacao is kind of not the same as cocoa because it isn’t the same, right. Yeah. Look I’m just writing this crap. I’m no expert. (A quick look on Google says it’s cold pressed, so “raw” which is the most expensive 3 letter foodjective.)
Cacao – in its purest form – has been used in ceremony for 4000 years . Obviously before it gets to our Easter eggs as chocolate it has been genetically modified by Nestlé to have three heads and then been used to bludgeon a baby seal to death in front of its mother. But the Aztecs and Olmecs and other varied denizens of the South American rainforests (before they were palm oil plantations full of cows and murderers) – they used the stuff in ritual. Because it makes you happy. And opens your heart.
It’s a full moon in Libra. (Here he goes again with the astrological crap. He’s only just finished trying to make cocoa sound like medicine.) But yeah. Maybe there’s something in all this. It’s older than most of the crap we trust, like Murdoch, that guy in the pub with the shining eyes, Trevor Noah, Tarot cards, BBC Weather. I like old things.
So assuming that this isn’t all just hooey – (my usual approach to things that most people think is all hooey) – what’s with the cacao and the moon today, Al?
Well I took my shoes and socks off and had some cold cacao in a room with about 50 people to mark the blue moon. I’m Libra and it’s a Libra moon. Cacao makes sense at Easter time with all the chocolate. And you’ve probably had me on ritual before but I’ll reiterate: We need more of it. Especially if we are going to keep defining ourselves in opposition to religion. I lay on a yoga mat with a mug from my childhood. My dad let me choose it for myself in Liptons before the Isle of Man broke and let shit like Tesco and Macdonalds come over. I was glad to use it, and had a nice little inner journey in a dark room full of strangers, thinking about stuff to change. Then a few people started hitting drums and we all danced. I wasn’t the only man in the room. There were at least 5 of us. And it was a good little ceremony, entirely harmless, happy, positive and free of the ooglyboogly as long as you’re willing to accept a cup of cold cacao as a medicine or sacrament. If you’ve seen how I behave around a glass of vintage port you’ll know that I am very happy to attribute significance to stuff in a glass.
I’m home now, under the cat, after a bank holiday Saturday night in Hackney. I feel great and I’ve only had a cup of chacalott. It’s only just gone midnight and I think I’m happy to wind down. Clearly the ceremony already had an effect… As far as I’m concerned, a lovely Saturday night.