Restoration

Thyme teas and walks by the sea. Eggs and spinach and fresh hot Tom Yum. No coffee…

Tomorrow I’m gonna have the mother of all headaches and it’s about time. Caffeine withdrawal. I’ve been living off that crap. Four or five cups of coffee a day, mostly buying out, and if I die and get a load of statistics and one of them is “total amount of money spent on caffeinemilk” then I’m gonna be shocked at the extent of it. Another day without caffeine and my head will hurt plus I’m off the sauce. Being sick like this is, perversely, a useful firebreak, because the first thing my body tells me is “Don’t feed me coffee or booze please” so I can usually use it to get my hand firmly back on the rudder regarding emotional crutches.

Ursula le Guin taught me that if you know something’s true name it has no power over you. She didn’t teach me that in person. Wish I’d met her. She themed complicated children’s books around the idea and then she let us think we had discovered the depth of the metaphor. I often think back to those Earthsea books. When it comes to the caffeine withdrawal headache I know it. I can name it. It hurts but pain understood is just a warning signal. I’ll just persevere and occasionally tick myself off for once again becoming addicted to coffee. I’ll break it again now. Then I’ll go back on soon. But, for a while – mayhaps until Eid-Al-Fitr which is only two weeks and I’ve got shit to do. Let’s see. I’ve made myself sick by working and playing too hard on repeat. Time now to make myself well by taking the play out and allowing this long weekend to settle.

Seaside Brighton in the calm. Nothing much to think about. Nothing to do. Didn’t even have to move the car. Suraya is a lovely Thai restaurant in walking distance from Lou. Hot food to break the mucus I’m fighting. And a can of Fanta to satisfy the sugar craving. I’m not gonna do everything at once.

It’s been warm-ish down by the sea. I wouldn’t necessarily call it sunmery, but winter is losing its hold at last and good riddance.

I’m gonna have chamomile tea and watch a movie and be asleep by nine. That’s mostly what I was doing three years ago when we were all in stupid lockdown. Unless… my goodness yes … were we doing The Tempest on Zoom? Ah. What was all that Covid stuff, eh? At least it was a chance to relax.