February fever

February is upon us. I like February. It’s a hopeful month. It feels like its trying.

Likely named for Februus, an Etruscan death god taking in purification, it is a month of cleansing. One of the last months added to the calendar by the Romans, it plugs the gap in my imagination between the dark and cold of winter and the warmer wet of the coming rains. The worst is now passed. The dark is shifting back. Things are starting to wake up and the world is not quite so cold. That’s what I’ve told myself, having just got into bed before 8pm cos I’m suffering in the flat without the heating.

Another late night call from my agent and a chance to be involved in an institution. Past versions of me will have reacted differently to the chance, but it might be the catalyst I need to get out of here by May. It’s just an idea at present, but I’m open to things shifting. It has been unusually quiet recently. But the world has been hibernating. February is bringing cleansing light back.

If I’m gonna do a detox I tend to do it in February. It’s short, and a marginally less depressing month than January. The mood swings caused by the broken habits are not as sharp as they are when it’s colder. I’ve been doing pretty well at cutting back on the things that hold me back anyway. There’s so much to do, and I’m having to start relying on my diary and on making lists in order to make sure I stay on top of it all. No official detox this time round, but a general reminder to continue to unblock myself and shift forward, particularly with this flat. Too many years of comfortable stasis. That’s gonna be my Februa purge. Stuff.

Februa likely originated our word “fever”. When all your body is pushing toxins out of every possible orifice. I’ll be pushing stuff out of my flat. It will be sweating books, leaking furniture, coughing up pictures and then at the end of the month I will likely be spitting myself at high speed south across Europe to Majorca again.

It’s still dark but we can believe in the light. It’s still messy here but I can believe in getting it emptied. Lou will be staying in a week, working on The Brits. Right now there are three books and an iPad on the bit of bed she’ll be sleeping in. I am gonna have to improve my habits. Normally I get to go to her considered and soft flat in Brighton when I want to see her. I’ll have to do something about the lighting in here, and get some good sheets on the bed… Throwing things out, but the right things and in the right way. Ideally I should rent a ground floor flat out of London and get all the furniture out of here so I can get to work turning it around.

Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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