Lou went and secretly bought an electric blanket and mattress topper online. “Shall I leave it on 1 while we sleep? It’s gonna be a windy night.”
My evangelism about the wonderful world of bed has clearly had an effect on her. It’s toasty. I approve wholeheartedly and can only encourage you to do the same if, like me, you hate the cold.
I’m feeling rounder. Less shifted. More solid. I choose to do a stupid job for a living and I’m good at it. My industry is often cruel and arbitrary for all but a very small selection of people. Over the years my skin has thickened but even a rhinoceros has its creases. I took a little punch and it opened some old wounds.
Good to be safely out of London, down here by the sea with Lou and warmth and the sound of the sea. It might not rain tomorrow so it could be a good day to go yomping through nature and to blow the cobwebs away completely. A new year coming, the light slowly returning now. Who knows what things will come. This year has been really varied, really full. I’ve felt valuable both in my acting and in my dayjobbing. We all have wobbles though, and I guess the nature of ambition is that you always look to what you still haven’t found. I’m ambitious to work, the more profile I’ve got the more interesting places I get to do my thing and interesting people I get to do it with so… knocks like that can be a blindside. At least I’ve found a good bundle of friendly kind people who have fought their own version of the old struggle alongside me and are all in their own way very capable of showing kindness, wisdom and support when the need is felt.
Now the calm of the waves, and all the cats of Brighton. Lou is looking after two tiny little cats again in another cat palace just near her home. Then she has another one living in her flat that needs medication twice a day. This is why she wasn’t in town for Christmas, and can only make flying visits. But I’m here for a good run this time. A few nights on the trot. Enough time to shake off all the noise and the SADS and to eat healthy food and not get drunk for long enough that my liver might partially regenerate.
I feel calm and sanguine once more. Still a bit pissed off. But fuck it, last summer I got about two grand for doing a day’s work and a bunch of COVID tests. If only it was about the money…