I’m still feeling very conflicted about not being able to make it to Chile for Extreme-e. I try to make myself useful in whatever context I find myself in. That’s my happy flaw. I know for sure that I filled a me-shaped gap on the team for those incredible ambitious off-road races. I’m still slightly pissed off that I won’t get to see the Atacama desert for the copper X-Prix, but today I offered a friend as a replacement and was told I was “irreplaceable.” That’s a lovely thing to hear and I know why I heard it. It is great to be irreplaceable if you’re my ego and crap if you’re my desire for things to go smoothly in the races. The major happy-factor is that I’ll almost certainly have a job in Uruguay in November. Obviously it’s always nice get positive feedback. And I know that my brand of unruffled immediacy lends itself well to that unusual international world I’ve found. I know they’ll do fine without me, but I’m aware of the edges that I was making it my business to file away. Wonderful people making great stuff, and I got to go to Saudi and to Sardinia so far. But acting has to forever be the primary…
I often think of dad’s first comment when I told him I wanted to be an actor. “When I was your age I wanted to be a long distance truck driver … You’d see more of the world and you’d make more money.”
I haven’t explicitly set out to defy my dad’s expectations, but I’ve made a solid throw at having my cake and eating it. I’ve traveled very widely with the acting, and augmented it with the races. I’ve seen more of the world than somebody stuck on a couple of routes, and hell yes I’ve had fun in the process.
This evening I introduced Chris from the Bletchley job to Siwan from the Hampstead Halloween Walk. My instinct knew it was the right person to the right group. We hit Camden and talked shop with booze. This seems to be what happens when I go to North London. The Lyttleton Arms, The Camden Head, The Elephants Head. We did all the talking and much of the drinking. All three of us are generators. It was a lovely dynamic and it’ll make for a delightful and spooky walk. Totally different route this time as well so I’ll have to make up a bunch of new stories… But we’ve got four lovely humans now who are all in London at Halloween time and who all want to make something delightful as we shift into darkness again. I didn’t think I’d be doing it again, but actually it makes lots of sense…
Maybe this year I’ll be less vague about it and I’ll get to have more friends come and enjoy an evening.
Bedtime now though. Perhaps one too many pints.
AlBarclay 