I’ve become more or less nocturnal by mistake over the last few days. I’ve synchronised with the cat. It’s been a lifelong struggle getting to sleep anyway. How many of us get jolted from doze by the weirdest things? Memories of words badly spoken twenty years ago. Things we didn’t do. Things we did. Flashes of the past…

The future doesn’t keep me up at night but the past can and occasionally does. So can the present, when the cat puts his tail in my mouth, which is his favourite trick. Last night I didn’t get down until past three, around about when Lou was waking up in Brighton. I was plagued by thoughts about things that honestly I have no business worrying about anymore. And then Mao came and sat on my face. Tonight it’s almost two and I’m only just writing this, so I’ve got a screen in front of me which will likely mean another half three head down. I have had a swimming pool full of chamomile tea. And I’m thinking about the passage of time once more.

Time is going insanely fast again. What happened to this day?! I looked up this morning and it was evening. Hours and hours just fell into a hole and I honestly can’t account for it. It’ll be Christmas soon. It really will be. Easter is gone so it’s next in the calendar. Expect Santa in the next few weeks guys. Sleigh bells. Ugh.

Today I recorded myself playing a friendly vampire. Appropriate considering my nocturnal ways. The teeth are a bastard to keep in, but they were the cheapest ones on the internet. I figured it’d be worth a small outlay to get myself into contention for a fun part. In the absence of a decent vampiric cape, I pressed my father’s green kilt cape into service and it did the trick swimmingly even if it was a bit Sherlock-vampire.

I have no idea what the takes are going to be like as they aren’t due until tomorrow afternoon at four and I don’t want to edit and select them tonight. They’d better be of use because I’m not sticking the teeth back in unless you pay me. The fangs themselves are an optimistic few shades whiter than the things they are attached to. I need a dentist. I’ll get my PA to add “Dentist” to the list of expensive things I need which I can’t afford.

Last time I played a vampire was in a perspex box full of blood for a celebrity birthday party. One of the recognisable guests handed me a bomb of MDMA wrapped in a rizla – “You look like you’re having fun mate. Try this”. That was me in bloodsoaked dungarees and full beard – more of a Blade vibe – hence the gift of narcotics I suppose. I think if I’d swallowed it time would have gone by at about the rate it’s going by right now without any of that nasty help. That world was only two years ago – possibly even to the day. What’s happened? It’s nuts how we’ve acclimatised to this bollocks. I need more variation than this. We all do. I haven’t listened to the news for a few days now as it’s always full of yuk.

Time to try to sleep. To foie-gras the rest of this chamomile, belch heartily and get a mouth full of cat hair. He’s sitting on the chaise looking all innocent and sharpening his bum…

Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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