“What have you done in the flat,” Lou has taken to asking when we talk on the phone. She asks mildly, as if there’s no weight in it. Maybe there is no weight in it for her. For me, I immediately feel weight and find myself justifying my inaction, or just my lack of perfect action.
“Sorting out coins is basically moving things forward,” I might try. “They were taking up space”. The last few days it’s been “I’ve had to help out with the eviction situation in Hampstead”. “Marvelous”, that little bit of my brain must have thought. “An excuse to avoid my own shit in favour of somebody else’s!” The truth is simpler and more complicated. “I’ve been procrastinating again” would usually be the best response to Lou. “I started stroking the cat and suddenly it was 6pm and I was tired.” “I opened up the laptop for a casual gaming session with my morning coffee, and when I looked up it was dark.” There are advantages to this teenage world, as I sit at home and daddy government occasionally drips SEISS into my ear. It’s training us all to be replaced by bots and it’s very easy to just let the time shoot past unwatched but there are advantages. We are all much more aware of the place we live in now.
I forget there’s as much space as there is here because I’ve historically prioritised boxes over comfort. Having this bedroom so clear – it makes it easier to imagine how the rest of the place could be and should be.
Jethro and I have revealed some floor that I didn’t really think existed. There is a tremendous amount of guff in here though. But it’s an eBay maximum £1 listing weekend. One day in company and it feels more achievable. The key will be not finding a reason to block myself tomorrow and onwards from there, every day a little. It’s actually fun to clear it up when I get round to it. And the chairman can supervise – he’s so chilled even the hoover barely phases him.
Making a list helps. But making a start helps more.
There’s a lot of connected jobs. To sort X I have to move Y to Z place, but A and B are currently there so I’ll need to put them where X is but in order to do that I’ll have to sort X which I can’t do. It’s been a circular blockage of blockages. But most of it has been in my head. I’m better by far in company. “Let’s just move the pictures together,” he started. And piecemeal over the course of a few hours the plan revealed itself.