Such a slow day today. Heavy. Like I’m carrying weight. By back hurts for no reason. Maybe it’s atmospheric. Maybe it’s the all the negative energy flying around. Social media is my window into everybody these days and everybody I’m seeing on it is popping out with unhappiness. I feel like joining in. This has been a long old slog from March until this cold January evening.
Normally I’d have had a Burns Night yesterday. I’ve kept the busts of Burns out of auction, and I’ve got a Victorian plate of him to put the haggis on top of. They all just stayed on the shelf. No friends round to get drunk on whisky and read poems. “Bring a poem” is the only rule. You don’t even have to read it yourself if you’re shy. There’s usually no shortage of willing actors, and me in an emergency.
Not this year. This year I didn’t even eat any haggis. I should be ashamed of myself. I had jerk chicken and buckwheat, and Hex had a mouse.
Perhaps I should wander to the supermarket and get myself haggis before it leaves the shelves. I could do a belated Zoom poetry sharing session tomorrow evening. It might cheer people up. Hmm maybe this is a good plan. It might even cheer me up, and stop me just constantly refreshing eBay.
One of the pictures on my eBay has garnered quite a lot of attention. It’s a virtually completely shredded antique oil painting of a kid with a vase. I’ve had a few messages from people who are thinking of using lockdown to learn how to restore art and they’re going to start with this one… And it’s been bidded up from £25 to over £100 already. The horse will likely go well too and I’ve got a feeling about the pheasant. Others don’t seem to have any interest at all.
Selling pictures is a brave new world for me, and I’m having seller’s remorse about one or two of them, knowing that once they’re gone they’re gone. I might end up pulling the Wilson… But space… I STILL have way too much stuff for the size of my home. I never want to have too little, but perhaps it’s ok to let more things go. It’s easy to cling to things that remind me of people, because we have no means of clinging to people at the moment and I miss you all and your funny smells. The picture I’m thinking of keeping is a picture of an art class. It wouldn’t be allowed right now. Maybe that’s why I want it. Maybe I should let it go. I should stop opening my eBay and looking at it or I might even start bidding on it myself without thinking.
But that’s how slow my day has been. I could’ve been painting a wall in the spare room but I just can’t find it in me to do that on my own – certainly today. It’ll get done in its own time one way or another. But today was for nesting. Thank God for central heating. I’ve been holed up in my bedroom with the radiators on eating chocolate and reading for just hours and now I’m going to go to sleep in the hole that I’ve made here and probably dream of eating chocolate, reading and Ebay because my brain doesn’t remember anything else. I haven’t even been motivated enough to go into the living room and switch on the PlayStation. Impressive, huh? I only made food because I knew it would cheer me up and it came out of a kit from Mindful Chef. A useful if expensive way of making sure I don’t starve.