Pigeon spikes

There’s scaffolding up my block, and it’s windy. Poor Pickle has been freaking out all day at the unusual noises. She hid under my bed most of the morning when the workmen were on my floor outside the windows.

The people that manage my block have an extraordinary propensity for spending money on bollocks. Their latest venture is to put pigeon spikes on all of our windowsills. Not only do they look crap but also I’ve never seen a pigeon on my windowsill. There’s one part of the building where they roost – above my windows – but they haven’t been told to put the spikes there. If I had a problem with pigeons I’d put them out myself. I don’t want those horrible looking things catching crap on my sills for no reason. But the problem is that this leasehold block is run by people that live in Wycombe. The two things we need to have fixed are the water outflow pipes, which are way too small for modern appliances, and the guttering or roof slates that causes a leak into my flat in heavy rain. We have had to pay thousands for what appears to be mostly a cosmetic job. Like last time when it cost me £18 grand plus 6 for the windows and they basically just changed the doors, stole my window weights, and fucked off on holiday. It took forever to get out from under that and it was a pile of crap. But we are beholden to these management idiots, even though they don’t even ask those of us who live here what needs doing.

In the first week of the job, the idiots who put the scaffolding out took a huge chunk out of the porch. When I sent photos to the management they responded by thanking me and telling me they’re getting a quote from the people who did the damage to fix the damage. I expect we’ll get another bill for that.

The downside of living in this beautiful Edwardian block, exposed to the elements as it faces the river, perhaps. But Jesus why do we have to be managed by those fuckwits? They can chase an invoice. Every time I am digging out from under it they hit me with another bill. They love to get on the phone and be passive aggressive. But I haven’t been able to get a shower put in because people that don’t even live in the block have decided we all need spikes on the windowsill. The people I’ve spoken to that actually live here can’t understand it.

The builders are cheerful, when they show up. There’s nobody managing them but they clearly work together well. I like them. I’m making them cups of tea out the window and asking them how they’re fixing the spikes down so I know how to get them off again. Glue. So I can just prise them off and then I’ll have to repaint the windowsill. I wonder what fuckups they make this time round. Last time, when they weren’t stealing my window weights, they swapped the lovely brass lion door knocker on my door onto my neighbor’s. I won’t get that back. Or my money. Or my weights. But I’m going to look into ways the residents can take over the management of the block because it’s ridiculous…

I’m probably getting worked up about nothing. But I’m 3k down, which is the second most money I’ve ever spent on anything, the first being the previous refurb. Grrr


Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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