Brian and Mel went to a city farm today and took the perfect photo of a piglet, it’s beautiful. I can’t use it as a blog photo because Mel loves it so much she reckons (she says)that she can get it in posters so that when people google for a picture of a pig that picture comes up. It’s a shame as I took no photos today as usual. You get one of my cat looking louche.


Someone I know who has been vegetarian for years ate a sausage roll that she had bought thinking it was a vegetarian sausage roll. She found out after eating it that it was pork after hearing a conversation, and was deeply upset. She hasn’t eaten meat for years for ethical reasons. It came as a shock.

I had pork tonight. Before these photos of pigs came back. It’s what Tom brought in for dinner, and I ate it.

They are all watching videos of the pigs now and talking about how much they love them. I was talking just the other day about a lamb I once made friends with for a show. I was Silvius. Nigel and I loved that lamb. But we were up in Yorkshire, and we were constantly being reminded that the lamb was not a “good” lamb. I think it went to slaughter after the show. I was fed a leg of lamb a few months later and told it was her leg. Tutu. I ate that leg. I could have stopped eating meat there and then, but I didn’t. It was cooked and in front of me already and I had already had a bite when the idea was put in front of me. Part of me thought it was a wind up, part of me believed it and part of me flashed back to my father at the dinner table. He was vegetarian and used to make the noises of the animals we were eating as we ate them. If anything is designed to steel a young man into being a carnivore it’s someone rebuking you for a choice that you don’t really understand yet.

But I feel like I am on the verge of a big decision point. I do understand it now. My spiritual side is at war with my worldly side. I’ve seen the damage we do to ourselves by serving the worldly side. Not to mention the damage we do to the world. As with every belief system or form of practice, it’s personal, but I think I might propel myself into considerably more mindfulness going forward, partly to make myself less unwell, partly to try to fix my energy and partly because the people I have been drawn to lately have all got that about them in some way. Something of the ascetic, or the medicinal. It’s part of my calling too and I shouldn’t keep running and obliterating myself.

i bought a bivvy bag from army surplus so I can sleep under the stars. And a smaller tent than usual in case I get eaten alive… Wilderness tomorrow. Wahoo.

Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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