Flattened

I just don’t know what today was meant to teach me, other than when you’re in turmoil inside then the outside world can get sucked into that turmoil. We truly do create our own reality. I started the day with Deepak Chopra telling me that. If anyone has a link to him thumbing his nose and saying “I told you so” then I’ll take it for this evening.

In theory it’s pretty easy to deliver a workshop to 250 kids, but first thing this morning the school told me that they would be spreading the thing over 8 classrooms. Problem is I can’t be in 8 places simultaneously yet, despite all the spiritual work, and most of the guys who are there to help me out neither know how to lead it nor have the materials. So at 8am I was having a humongous undercover smiling stress explosion. Thankfully I was surrounded by actors who do well in stress, and with their help we ended up pasting something together out of bits of optimism and high energy. The kids spent most of the day sitting in a theatre, working on their laps, watching me running around on stage babbling about stuff. Weirdly the school seemed perfectly happy with the thing we managed to create, that resembled the premise under which it had been sold, but was more of a Frankenstein’s workshop than a real boy. I couldn’t wait to get out of there though, so much so that I left my laptop there in fecking Edgware and didn’t realise until I was nearly home, halfway through the rush hour, other side of London. I was going to go back for it but as I drove, my front left tyre went completely flat. There was no spare tyre in the boot. It was shredded. People kept telling me. *honk honk* “You’ve got a flat.” You Trumpon. Like I hadn’t noticed that one of my wheels sounded like it was made out of snails. That’s why I’m driving at 10 miles an hour with the hazards on. Some people…

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I limped into enterprise as I was nearby anyway. Happy coincidence. “Hi guys, me again.” That’s where I am now, while they gamely try to find me a replacement car because of course they’ve run out and they all want to go home. They say they have to ring the AA and I’m liable for the costs of replacement so that’ll be about £200. And they’ve literally just said they can’t replace the car. You’re getting this live. Buggers want to shut up shop.

One option is to cancel work tomorrow. Then I lose £160, plus the cost of the tyre and the faith of my employers. The other option is that I make the same journey that I rageblogged about yesterday, but this time carrying a great big pile of flipchart paper, a box of markers and a whole pile of laminated sheets. I would also bring my laptop but I left it in the school so that’s a bit less to carry at least. It’s a two and a half hour journey though. At dawn. Guess what? Heeeeeres muggins!

Yeah so, between phone calls part of the time I’ve been writing this I’ve been hiking home on a hot bus carrying all the boxes that were in my car, after enterprise basically left me stranded with no wheels and a hefty charge for a flat tyre. I just got home. I reached into my pocket for my home key and found I still had the car key as well. Hell.

Now I’m in an uber to return the key to this company that charge you loads for a flat tyre and more for a lost key and I’ve got my iPad on my lap with the workshop for tomorrow. At some point I’ll need to eat. I want to be in bed by half nine and it’s half seven and I haven’t properly studied the workshop for tomorrow yet because I only agreed to do it at 3.30 this afternoon full of adrenaline after not catching on fire today. “Yeah sure great I’m good at this hoooaaah.”

Somehow this whole situation is completely hilarious to me. What the fuck am I doing with my life? This time five years ago I was filming in Bangkok

There are advantages to perpetually having someone on the sofa. Tom is cooking supper. I just have to get home. Bed by half nine is possible. I got this. Kerching. I’m walking home now from Park Lane. I want beer.

Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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