I’ve been staying in the Korean wing of Royal Holloway University, out in Egham. It’s bloody luxury. When I were a student it was little tiny beds made out of rocks. This place has double beds and ensuite bathrooms, and the room gets turned over every morning.

It’s got down to a smooth machine now, the service. My waiters have it all worked out to the extent that I feel I could leave the floor and not panic that I’d get back to dead guests and fire. And it makes me feel proud. Although as I touched on yesterday it’s not surprising. These kids are all just making a bit of money while waiting to finish their degree in nuclear brain surgery. When my head falls off they’ll be the ones stitching it back on.

I can’t really remember what happened yesterday to be honest. Mostly it was me surrounded by tables being charming while thinking about 8 things simultaneously. The good thing is that by simply filling out lots of forms I’ve successfully got gadgets for loads of my guys. Laura won a Fitbit and they surprised her with a TV camera. She just laughed in a mixture of horror at the camera and surprise at the Fitbit. They wanted her to speak in a complete sentence for their internal footage but there was absolutely no possibility that that was ever going to happen. They asked her tons of questions and she responded with giggles. She quite proudly said to me afterwards “Well they won’t be able to use any of that.”

We are driving in for one last push. Today will be fine, by comparison. We’ve got all our stuff which means we have to play car Tetris.

We look so much healthier here than we actually feel.

My feet have no sensation left in them. My head is full of cotton wool. I talk to everyone in my manager voice. My name badge calls me Alex which is convenient as it lowers the chances one of the waiters goggles me and discovers I’m an actor. But of course some of them are trying to get into drama school.

We’re arriving. Work time. One day more… IMAG0996IMAG0996

Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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