AlBarclay

“I’ve got to learn these terrible sonnets,” I told Mel. “But it’s the only window I’ll get to see you.”

She’s over for like five days. Paid for by a gig I created for her and Hex on Saturday. My commission is that she helps me with my lines. Just so long as I get her from Heathrow.

We caught up first of course. We go way back, there’s always stuff to talk about, I really miss her in town as a collaborator, challenger, wingman, running mate. She’s RADA dahhhling but she retrained as a director. I had no idea how much help she would be on these meaningless sonnets I’m learning. We are driving for hours. She’s in East London. Fuck driving to East London.

“Dude,” she says “this is clearly about you getting a whore for your mate.” And in sewing that ridiculous seed she helped me find a structure through something unthought. “And this one is clearly about you having that Japanese kink where they tie ribbons.” “I am not aware of this kink.” “They like, tie ribbons on stuff and it’s really sexy for them…”

It helped me learn it. Which was the point. I just have to remember not to sound excited when I talk about ribbons.

Yet another client sent some AI script proposals today and we are gonna draw a line and try and kick back. Three clients in a row, three AI scripts. Enough is enough. They shouldn’t be bringing this stuff into a creative arena. We did Romeo and Juliet using real actual Shakespeare and they loved it.

This AI stuff is empty. All the component parts are there and if you aren’t paying attention it can pass for competent. It has this skin of competence, we assume that something structured is competent. But…  it’s impossible to learn because every word has merely been put there. There’s no thought. No rhythm. No deeper meaning. No intention. No inner logic. The adjectives and adverbs could be pulled out of a hat. They are entirely interchangeable and add nothing but bulk to the meter. It’s “small” or “modest” or “quiet” or “sweet” but at no point is it ever interesting or challenging or thought provoking or good.

I came up with a good analogy tonight for it in Jethro’s kitchen but I’ve already forgotten it and me telling you I’ve forgotten is more relatable than me giving you my cleverclogs analogy anyway.

This crap shouldn’t need the attention of a smart analogy. Why am I even writing about it. Ick.

It really drives home how bad it is when you have to learn it…

—

It’ll take ages to unpick all the high handed rubbish salespeople are trumpeting about AI. We are in the age of Tilly fucking Norwood and these creatively bereft troglodytes trying to pretend this stuff is more than just an endless rehash, a bad reflection, drinking piss. Sure use it to do the donkey work. But you know me, I’m an adopter, I enjoy tech, I’m a disciple of Douglas Adams. I have bought an AI robot on Kickstarter that is designed to have an existential crisis but be able to pass me the butter. It’s absolutely fucking pointless and I love it for that. There are applications for this tech where it is fun or silly or useful or labour saving. Writing performance material is not one of them. Art exists to tell us something about ourselves, to occasionally drill into our souls. It can’t be reduced to numbers and rehashed.

The word “slop” has rightfully risen to the top connected to this tech in a creative space. It’s ideamush. And people are making videos now and photos to support their fucked ideologies. It’s an imitation of thought used as a substitute for thought but presented as the apogee of thought.

Plus it blows so much smoke up your arse while you use it to make your guff that all the morons are starting to believe they have something to add to the artistic the political the dramatic the lifestyle the tech the world conversation. Let me tell you now, dear hearts, (not that you’ve read this far): You have nothing to add. You’re just saying “I want that one”.

Tomorrow we could improvise better sonnets than what is on this idiot paper.

I could have improvised better sonnets when I was at university.

When I was at university I was a conceited idiot.

This is the future?

Well I told the fridge delivery guys that it is multiple flights of stairs including one interior flight. They’ll come tomorrow morning early. I bought it from John Lewis. I learned my lesson when I bought an oven from Curry’s and it was cheap but “team know how” used every excuse in the book not only to duck the job of installing it but also to duck the job of taking the old one out. “Thanks for being good about it,” the fat one said. “Sometimes people put the waterworks on.” This was a week before Christmas. Curry’s. Bright world. Dark delivery personnel.

Let’s see though. If I was a lazy fucker I would want to try and make sure I didn’t have to take an old fridge down those stairs even if it was my job and even if I could get scrap prices for it.

They’ll come tomorrow morning some time. I’ll empty the freezer when they come. They’ll say “ooh mate it isn’t totally defrosted we have no choice but to leave it.” Brian and I will hump it down the stairs. One of us will do something awful to our back as we don’t have specialist tools. We will leave it on the street and an opportunist with a van will have it off to a scrap dealer in hours.

I’ve been once more trying to consolidate my friend’s office gubbins. It’s a slow job. She’s got a cellar full of crap and most of it has been on Facebook marketplace or eBay long enough for her to know it just won’t sell. Things aren’t worth loads of money just because we wish they were worth loads of money. But she’s learnt that enough that I can sell her fucked bike for fifteen quid and she isn’t clinging onto what she paid for it. Fifteen quid is better than nothing. He was selling good ones for £100 but with even with new tyres and new brakes his margin won’t be big. I get it.

I can’t learn these lines. But tomorrow it is my whole job.

We created these AI tools to help us but often people use them to do a job we would do much better just by being us about it. Poetry cannot be adequately reproduced by an aggregator. It can sound competent if you’re not paying attention. But underneath it is just maths and it falls apart quickly under scrutiny. There’s no point to any of it. No inner logic. It’s not going anywhere. It’s worse than doggerel cos it isn’t even enjoying itself. It is just words placed next to each other. And I love tech and talk to these LLMs. I have a Claude subscription at the moment. I will NEVER let it write any copy for me, but I can use it to edit documents. I’m a tech adopter and a creative and I am happy with both monikers but I know that a prompt isn’t art no matter how you might wish it to be. This tool lets idiots sound clever but it never bears scrutiny creatively. It can’t. Plagiarism engine. Why is it being pushed as a creative replacement? Because its exponents haven’t got a creative bone in their body. They wouldn’t know the difference between slop and art because they are dead behind the eyes. And this way we get more and more dumb moment by moment.

From Curry’s fridge delivery guys to AI CEOs. The many different colours of moron. AND ME! AND YOU!

What a mess we are making of this beautiful world. Is it too late to go back to a barter economy?

Almost feels like a recovery day today. I think I might be slightly ill as well so I’m just… taking care of myself.

The fridge has been misbehaving but I still ate sausages and beans for lunch. The sausages tasted edgy so I’m probably making good use of my digestive fire at the moment as well. I only realised at lunchtime today that I ate nothing all day yesterday and didn’t even notice.

Had a little startlearn of some AI sonnets. They are gonna be a super hard learn. I’ll get there though, it’s my job. But that’s gonna take up a disproportionate amount of time no matter how quick the old sponge brain is because there’s no internal logic or human rhythm to them. It’ll require heavy cramming. And I’m working tomorrow.

It is so close tonight! I’m in my room and it feels like midsummer. Hot air pumping in from outside.

It’s crazy how the observable world has become politicised. I’m a great big hypocrite driving in my car all over the place and worrying about the sea temperature getting so high it boils the rest of the coral and we end up dead or however it is gonna go. The next big fun is gonna be El Nino. But still the machine encourages us to deny the evidence of our senses.

Somehow it is already eleven. Brian and Maddy have a friend on the sofa, and they all went out for dinner. I stayed home as I haven’t had much home alone time. Had a steak. Breathed the quiet. Played with the cats. It turns out Boo is obsessed with feathers. Lou found a heron feather walking up in Alfriston and it is her best friend now. She’ll eventually mangle it but for now it’s a satisfying way of passing the time.

My head feels a little empty and tired today. I think a good sleep and I’ll be back in the mix.

Excruciatingly hot up in The Balcony Room this evening. I drove in, paid the congestion charge. I had all the costumes in the back of Bergie.

Client was American and wanted The Balcony Scene, so we gave that to them. 120 international doctors up there though.

I’m greeting them all as they arrive jauntily dressed as PartyShakespeare. Their bus has broken down. They want to get drunk.

Saskia and Finn arrive on time with lines learnt. I met up with them a few days ago and gave them a talk. “These people haven’t bought a ticket to see you. If you don’t grab them you’ll lose them. They might be talking. They might heckle. Know your lines well enough that you can roll with the unexpected, show no weakness and you’ll be golden.”

First run in the space, the client was already there. PRESSURE. When one of the actors fell into a rehearsal linehole I cut in with a note because I’m “the director” and that way it isn’t evident they’ve forgotten their next line. Another of my early notes was: “the client doesn’t know how it went. They will take their assessment from you”. That’s part of the “show no weakness” thing.

I once said to a client : “it was great, even if my costume is too late for the period”. “Oh really? I wouldn’t have known,” they said to me, and then emailed asking why we were dressed in the wrong period.

These guys were dressed perfectly and I’m proud of them. It’s a lot, to bring a proper actor into the dinner environment. I wrote before about the wonderful West Side Story that could have been greatly improved with expectation management. There are plenty of “mummy mummy look at me” actors. As far as mmlam actors are concerned, the performance can only go one way where they end up covered in laurels because they are the bestest. Sometimes they hit early success and then it only starts to jank when reality kicks in but they sew poison as they go. The hope is that they don’t get early success, as then they’ll quit. Most of us are the other type which is still complicated and mostly some sort of self negation but very much not the mmlam narcissists.

My guys held their ground. They are good. There was a Russian lady who wanted to loudly talk no matter what, right next to Saskia Juliet. I said in an undertone just before we started: “she might not stop”. Saskia nodded pained understanding. THIS IS WHY I’M USING FACTORY ACTORS RIGHT THERE.

Everyone at The Swan told me we needed microphones. I told them no.

Cut to me, sweating like all hell, dressed bright, giving a very very potted history of the place. My facts were all over the place because I wanted to talk about audience contract. I wanted to talk about shared space, shared light.

I can usually beat a room vocally. Tony Witt taught me diaphragm at a very formative age. If the room is loud I can listen and find a note that isn’t being used, and can cut in low or high with an initial supported bellow. Tony was a good friend who was a baptist minister. He was Buckingham to my uncut Richard III.

But … I didn’t want the Romeo and Juliet to be belted. I didn’t want my actors to have to fight the room. So I taught the audience how to be audience. I gave them context – “these young actors have learnt and worked this scene specially for you this evening”.

The Russian lady with no volume filter did shut up. “She was about to start again, and it was my line so I addressed it to her and she stopped again,” Saskia told me. Yep. That’s the game. Well done her that’s exactly the game. Read them, watch them, listen to them, you will always win if you can do that and you know your lines.

First know your lines. Don’t fuck around. That’s your job. “How do you learn all those lines?” Hard graft because it is what we do.

Second watch your scene partners. Like tonight there might be drunk people where you wanted to have a moment. Listen live through the eyes. You can move the scene. And there are so many other little things that need to be communicated.

Third listen and allow the surroundings. You’re in a building and in time. The sun might be very interesting somewhere. Or you can get a beam on your face. Why not see what that brings. Or something in the building is affecting the scene unexpectedly – bring it in. Explore it.

Fourth, listen and allow the audience. Then you can find the unrepeatable moments for the theatre Shakespeare was writing. No fourth wall. A shared experience. All of us together. Society.

This man gave us these plays. He made this happen. Hundreds of years have passed. His voice is still held. I’m very happy to be part of his legacy.

I’ve just been sent the most amazing selection of photos taken when we did Twelfth Night at the Wanamaker, candles and all.

I’ve done so many short shows in beautiful or unusual places. Hundreds by now I reckon. And they are almost always written on the wind. One night, two nights maybe. And onwards and forgotten.

One time we had a photographer on stage with us for Christmas Carol in Bishopsgate. I have never been able to establish who he was. Jack and I built him into the show that night thinking there’d be good images. Impossible.

The corporate stuff I’ve done at The Swan has been hard to track down too. There have often been photographers but very rarely have we had any access to any images.

Someone once said to me: “It can be the best show in the world, if there are no images it might as well not have happened. It can be a tricky show, but good photos will carry it through to be a favourite.”

Twelfth Night hasn’t been tricky for me outside of the fact it hasn’t paid me properly. But the images we’ve just been sent are good forever. I just spent hours going through them. There are some dynamic ones, some human ones, some fun ones. All of us are well represented and I think Charlie gets the shot of the show but one that’s hard to use unless she knows the audience member as it is an interaction with a woman in the house.

I’m balder than I thought I was but that’s just being male. This one involves nobody else so is the easiest to share for now. That’s what the candles can do.

Siwan and I loaded a load of costume and bits into Bergie for tomorrow. We are doing a photo booth (adding value) as well as my history talk thing and The Balcony Scene. I think it’ll be lovely and fun and good for everyone involved.

Tired now though. One thing at a time is fine but sometimes my focus gets blown out. Tomorrow I’m supposed to be rehearsing for the Harrow leg of the show. I’m making money instead. As it should be. They’ll be fine without me.

Well, the free trial on the coin identifier app didn’t end well. Tomorrow it said it was gonna roll me into a subscription at $6.50 a WEEK which is astonishing. The business model is clearly about being easy to find and then hoping your mark is rich. Of course there’s no way of unsubscribing through the app. There’s no website. Eventually I trawled through their comments and found them explaining to a disgruntled user how to go into Google and cancel my Google subscriptions. Naughty. Anyway at least I’ve learnt about some of the coins. I would likely have kept my subs for a year if they weren’t pricing themselves so highly. Nobody can sustain that for a numismatic collection these days, the price is likely set by the AI that made the app. Actually truth be told we could all probably make that app with our AI tool of choice these days. Likely the whole thing has been vibe coded. Give me a patient day with nothing but that as a job and I reckon I could recreate it. Because it isn’t very good but it’s functional. I should do it. We can all make ourselves apps for all our stuff now if we have the patience. Mostly they’ll be full of shit. And if we are unethical we can put them on the app store for moneys. But “This is your stamp” “this is your horoscope” “this is what you should wear” “this is how you should paint your house”. These inflated LLMs will keep reflecting us back to ourselves as we fade away like echoes.

Hence the lack of cancellation options. Likely the prompter realised that it feels like one of those early internet traps websites where you bought something mail order at a decent price and then they tried to take money every month and gave absolutely no way of stopping them and you had no means of contacting them and the only way was to cancel your card. I think they must have realised it is hard to cancel, but it would be too destabilising to take the whole thing down and put it back up with a cancel button (or better pricing) so they just left it there for the lazy rich to not notice for a few months.

I am satisfied that I cancelled it successfully. I’m gonna freeze my Monzo card before bed though just in case they try and take a payment at midnight. If they I’ll have to start getting creative with them.

Another good day today clearing. Vic my client seems happy every time there’s progress and we are definitely making lots of progress too. She’s got a full head sure. My job is to stop her needing to think about logistics, and to just start DOING. A lot of heavy things went up a lot of stairs. A lot of spaces were emptied and then refilled. My back held up until the last minute and when it twinged lightly Rhys noticed and took the brunt of the lifting from there.

I’m happy in this work, sorting and moving things quickly but thoroughly. And things occasionally pop up that are beautifully right. There was a Makita Sander stolen from the lockup back in the day. I never replaced it as I never had need but always felt sad that one day I’d probably have to pay money for a new one. But no, Vic gave me the same model today that was down there unused. “Do you want that?” without any hesitation and I wasn’t fishing. I’ll probably end up sanding things for her with it which is fine because I’m thrilled.

I’ve ordered some soundproofing material. I’ll get some spray glue tomorrow. And next week I’m gonna build a recording booth into the wheelie crate where the Doctor Who Thrones were kept (on its side, it works in theory and it’ll be portable… Then it’s about emptying Canterbury and consolidating everything that’s left. This week has been very helpful in terms of starting to build systems. Much still to do though.

Today largely I was on chauffeur duty. An old friend needed to move some paintings around and it aligned with my needs in that I had to go to the post office. I wrapped up my big parcel full of old shrapnel and together we descended on World’s End Post Office. I’m sending all my old foreign currency to LOC where they still buy that stuff, likely looking for rare serial numbers etc.

I’ve found a new app for coin valuation and got a free trial so I’m making full use of it at the moment. It is for numismatists. I’m taking photos of all my half crowns and old shady Victorian pennies and so forth. The app looks at them and assesses the condition. It is aided by AI so extremely liable to get things totally wrong with confidence. But as a quick way of establishing what things are and what people pay for them it’s proving a helpful tool and helped me find a somewhat unprepossessing George IV half crown from 1821 that is selling from anything between £60 and £600 online. I was gonna clean it up but apparently the patina adds to the value for many people. And the silver content gives it a good baseline. Haven’t really got the headspace to become an expert on antique coins as well though, there’s a lot going on at the moment. The chances are it’ll go on eBay with the rest of the ones that are worth about a tenner each if this app is to be trusted. Listing is getting quicker with AI tools so I might just sweep them into my coming wave of eBay flogging. I’m every day getting deeper into STUFF OUT mode.

I drove to Hogarth’s House. Had a little look around. You have to park in a layby. There are plenty of his etchings there. It’s an insight – right on a big arterial route out of town that would still have been busy with carriages in his day. Likely very close to a big noisy drinky roundabout that is now Fuller’s Brewery. A good spot for a man who enjoyed portraying messy people being messy.

Oh my lord my lord though, the winter is encroaching. Beautiful sunshine and clear sky in London today but as I write I’m thinking that, were it on my bed, I’d be considering popping the electric blanket on for a quick blast.

Much to do around moving things around. Flogging coins is the least of my worries but something I can do when I’m home and the day is otherwise done. I’ve never been very good at watching telly.

Funny how such a little thing can be interesting to people. Apparently they didn’t do that many because people kicked off about the crown being too big. People really do kick off about all sorts of made up bollocks. But it’s a reminder: even then we had demagogues trying to drum up support for nonsense, making an effect in the real world, spinning negative narratives.

The idiot who got a load of jobless men to use their cheap train passes to go to Dover and cosplay ninjas, he’s angry with the Daily Mail at the moment. Great people to be angry with, for once I slightly align with with someone who has the intellect of a stick. Some of his fat militia showed up in London to stand outside an office being completely useless and validating his self importance.

Nobody will ever remember this, least of all the idiots in masks as they are likely off their nuts in ‘spoons by now celebrating their “patteritism”. But that’s a thing that happened today. Crap flexing, jobless oafs trying to threaten people with jobs, all kowtowing to another posh kid in disguise who is more motivated by money than hate if he’s ever honest. But… going through all the Victorian stuff I’ve had, magazines and papers, political bits of ceramic, it makes me very aware that there’s nothing new under the sun. Twas ever thus.

Up to The Balcony Room this evening. The client was there talking through logistics with our point of contact. I had my actors booked for the evening and wanted to work them in the room for lines. It’s a scary thing being a producer. I can look after my input but I can’t do anything about anyone else apart from choose well and trust. I think I’ve chosen well though, and I also think I can trust these guys.

Perhaps part of producing is learning to trust MYSELF. When I look back on the event catering restaurants I used to manage, I know damn well that the reason I got good at them is because of the way I read people. My teams would work, everyone would feel they were well placed so long as it was a sincere team (fake waiters used to get put there by the evil overlords, tasked with being obstructive as if it wasn’t hard enough already). If I had a manager who took the teambuilding out of my hands, we’d all suffer, because people would be in the wrong jobs. If I could build the team it would always be smooth. Simple. Were I to go back to that work that would be my only request. Let me build the teams. I don’t think I’ll go back to it… but life is long.

This evening was lovely. We didn’t get the room until late but I got to introduce one of the actors to the booker, and we had the chance eventually to work with the extraordinary backdrop that Sam and his team made possible from The Balcony Room. It is such a beautifully located space, The Globe. And that room on a night like tonight is truly beautiful.

I’m actually quite excited to make a tasteful new piece of Shakespeare entertainment using these two young actors who have found The Factory and who give a shit. I employed them by instinct. I know they’ll rise to it. This evening I gave them a talk about the reality of corporate acting.

“They might be lovely. But don’t build to that. They haven’t bought tickets to see you work. They might think they can talk loudly throughout, they might think it’s totally fine to heckle you in or out of character. They might deliberately ignore you and speak louder to each other because they know you want to be heard and they want to show you they don’t care. None of this will be because of you, they will do what they will do. The only defence you have is to know your lines so fucking well that when they fuck with you you don’t fall into a hole.”

I brought up examples of things people have done in other venues in corporate jobs. I told the story of when we rehearsed audience moves for a musical entertainment for The Prince’s Trust and I played a nice version of an obstructive audience member (“thank you for the acting. I’m on my phone and I’m not moving. Please go and act somewhere else. You’re very good. Well done. Go away.”). and the director told me to stop making it hard for people. I said “it’ll be like that”. “No it won’t,” I was told.

It didn’t feel satisfying when everyone was shellshocked on the night because they were much worse than my warning. I really did try and would have been able to galvanise people had I been given any degree of credence. I was being paid the same as everyone else BECAUSE OF THAT SKILL. They were singing and dancing, I knew the event theatre game. It’s a different world.

But… I’m male and this age I am. It is sometimes hard when you actually know something but you’re inside that demographic that thinks they know everything. There are a lot of fools who look like me and were educated like me and who have loud opinions that have no use at all.

But yeah I think my guys are ready for whatever.

I’ll be on book as William Shakespeare for them and I’m framing it in a way that makes it possible for me to be on book and correct them if it goes wrong: “Help me out here, this is something I’m working on: it’s a love story. I think I’ll call it Juliet and Romeo, do you think it should be a tragedy or a comedy?”

I think these guys will be great and tasteful. I can’t wait. But they really need to learn their lines.

Canice and Frank and I met up in the morning. Big job today just starting, this time for the sister of an old friend. Trying to build systems and deal with logistics in a way where my client gets the value of what she needs taken out but everyone gets paid. I’m still young in this kind of clearance work and I refuse to underpay people so I’m more likely to take the hit on myself. So I’m paying my workers but not necessarily myself. But if I do it well then it pays itself back threefold in recommendations. Which, if I’m honest, is what I’m fishing for here.

There’s plenty going on. Confidential accounts stuff has to go into bags to be shredded. Free samples have to be destroyed so as not to pollute the market she stands for. It was a total headfuck in the room as the light was broken so just a dark horrid room. But … I came in yesterday to plan for it and made a decent plan. My client is a client that needs to have control of all decisions – that’s been their habit for decades. But thankfully there’s a trust between us. I suspect I can use my team to get this done, charge her a fair price, and solve a problem for her.

Frank was on photo and eBay duty. We had various annoyingly bulky stuff we had to get rid of. Rusty bikes. A baby buggy. Nothing sold yet but he’s been listing them on Facebook marketplace. I have given him access to my pristine eBay account as well. Fingers crossed. I trust him, but my mistake was to tell him the whole job. My learn is that I have to partition the jobs first and then just allocate responsibility. I never need to say how big the job is, I just need to know what I need from people and express that to them. #learning. Made that mistake before with Dave on a warehouse clearance where he came knowing how much he was being paid and rather than just doing it he started to try and take responsibility for the bigger picture even though it was covered. “You should start with this bit and then go to that bit,” he told me with the certainty of someone who literally hasn’t a clue but is panicking. I knew we were fine, I just had him on for an extra pair of hands, so I told him “I’m looking at the bigger picture so if you have a detail shift I love you for making it happen”. Then to everyone: “Dave has an idea. He’s in charge of taking things out, I’ll get on the load instead. He’s got a system he wants to implement. Let’s try it.”

I didn’t do it to shut him up. I did it in case his system was better than mine. The result was to shut him up though. He didn’t have a system, he was just freaking out at the size of the job.

He remained panicked for the whole day and I sent him home early in the end as I knew I was better off without him. Bodies are useful. But there’s a point where people can get in the way of themselves and everyone else.

He got sacked from the same boat job that I got sacked from which is the entire reason I tried him out. I wanted him to be great and them to be wrong because they were hideous about that process with me and exceptionally wrong.

My sacking was unnecessary, baseless and out of the blue, but I reacted very badly to it (for that reason) which gave them what they needed. I couldn’t go back at them because I went into a spiral about it and posted it here on my blog with all sorts of assumptions. And then harboured a grudge against the guy who dealt really badly with it, the new head guide, Mike.

At the time the work started fading I desperately needed such work and couldn’t understand why it was petering out. I attributed it to all sorts of things, but picked the wrong villain. It was Nick all along. Mike was just too weak to deal with it and wouldn’t tell me for some reason. Nick the skipper didn’t like me. For class reasons. Wanker. And he told them he didn’t want me guiding on his boats. Nick. Pig.

He used to try and knock me over. He would watch for when I took my hand off the railing and gun the engine in reverse. Then when he realised I had caught on, he would go backwards forwards. Always it would be fine but clearly it was him being extremely dangerous. Then one time when he knew I would be swapping from one side to the other he got the moment exactly right and did backwards forwards backwards forwards and the fucker got me.

I fell from the prow to the side of the rib and would have gone overboard if a passenger hadn’t grabbed my leg. I immediately got up, saw him laughing, and said “Ladies and gentlemen, this is Nick the skipper, he thinks he’s being clever by trying to make me fall over. He’s done it repeatedly for months and this is the first time he’s actually managed it so let’s all give him a cheer. ‘Hip hip…”

His voice from the back: “I was fouled on something.” Me: “Ladies and gentlemen, Nick the skipper is trying to make out this was an isolated incident but I’ve asked him about all the previous times at this exact moment and he always says he’s fouled on something. But he is no fool, he knows it’ll affect me, he isn’t fouled he’s watching for when I shift my balance.”

One time he even moved the bar from one side of the boat to the other on lunch cos he knew I would use it to lean on.

Nick. Absolute baddie. Is he gone yet? I really hope so. I had nothing against him until he took against me but he took against me hard and fucked my earning horribly. He was their most regular pilot. Spite keeps people alive, look at Rupert Murdoch. He might still be doing it, although he might think it is more important these days to go and stand in the sea dressed up as a ninja or shout at hotels… I bring my politics into my tour guiding and I think he might have been a little bit simplistic and a lot nasty.

It still hurts, being taken off the roster for those boats so suddenly and based on nothing. I was brilliant at that work.

I’ve found other mechanisms which I might not have found had they not pulled. But there was no logic, no kindness and no fairness.

Anyway Max and I had a pint this evening. With alcohol. Which is perhaps why I’m going over old wounds? Because in the long run, I’m the employer and all is well. I just have memories of things past. Nasty Nick. But also a very bad office.

Slower today and looking at the learning and admin that I kicked down the road for Sir Toby.

I’ve been happy today. Good news for others is making my view on the world a little brighter. I did a fair amount of running around today, seeing about the next phase in the stuff journey – the expelling. The stuff has been removed from where it slept and roughly sorted. Now it needs to go to a bright new future where I’ll be paying monthly for it. I knew this would be a busy patch so I built the cost of storage into my quote. But we are coming close to time to push it all out the other side now for better or for worse. Out out out out. Or it was never worth taking it in in the first place.

Stuff out, words in. This is the next few weeks. I’ve got two fucking AI scripts to learn now. Two of them. It’s madness. It is exceptionally difficult to learn that dross because it has no internal logic, no truth, no feeling. It is entirely dead. But … in absolute truth it is no harder than some of the stuff I used to have to learn in the early days for corporate training videos. Did one of those recently and it was just atrocious. You have to use mnemonics and so forth as there’s no internal logic even if written by a human. So … I’ll learn whatever they’ve sent and I’ll deliver it and it’ll be fine. It’ll take time, but it’s part of my job and I signed up for this a long long time ago.

I buzzed around my borough today, saw a few old friends, looked at some potential work for one of them, grabbed some bits from the workshop. Tomorrow I’ll start a wee project. And life, just… life. I’ll happy it’s still warm out there. And even though there’s two shows at Harrow in a fortnight I’m pretty happy that I can park worrying about Sir Toby now we’re done with the Wanamaker. What a treat that was…