And I’m back in London. Another long drive.

I haven’t really stopped for ages now. But I might be about to get a slower pace, where I can work at my own speed doing emotionally difficult but physically easy work. I’m off to Jersey for a good length of time. But that’s not happening until Friday. For now the randomiser keeps rolling in Rochdale.

Today was up and into a rainstorm. I had slept beautifully though in the huge bed in the Premier Inn. For cheap accommodation they do great mattresses. And the company had paid for breakfast. So I tried to get their money’s worth. Two of us were there, but my colleague couldn’t eat anything on offer. “Surely you have a banana?” “No. Sorry.” Her words stung with “I’ll just have nothing.”

That left me carrying the breakfast onus. My reaction was to overconsume. She was worried about me. “Slow down!” No. Two poached eggs, two bacon, two sossidge, beans, tomato, toast. All, essentially, inhaled in the space of about 5 minutes. I wanted to get off to work. I was leading a thing I haven’t led before. It’s just workshop delivery though. I’ve been doing it for years. Stand up, speak clearly, don’t show weakness.

Driving home I was thinking about it in terms of my craft. My job, if I’m leading workshops, is to bring information to the people listening. I’m “delivering content”, and then I’m going round following up on it, and helping individuals before going back to deliver more content. Similar to the corporate work I’m doing where I’m serving entertainment to the people at a conference large scale, and then going and being charming to individuals, before going out large again. In both of these models, I have control of a thing and I want to send it to the people around me. It requires me to radiate. Which is fine as I’m a habitual radiator. I radiate this blog every day – haphazardly structured thoughts about my day. I still don’t send it wide. If you find it you find it. If you take something from it then my work is done. I somehow feel it’s a part of my job as a human to put things out there. I’m looking at finding ways to use other forms, but often that needs money at the outset, and time. You’ve likely noticed, oh constant reader, how quickly and indiscriminately I say “yes” to the majority of things people ask me to do. If it’s physically possible, I’ll do it. But that squeezes my time.

I don’t want to just radiate anymore. It neglects a whole facet of my work. I am going to start looking for ways to draw people in instead. It’ll be helpful to balance. With one hat on I can stand in a three-piece and be larger than life. But I want to focus on chances to bring people in with me as well, now. Smaller, tighter, more focused work. I really crave some interesting tight screen work. It’s what I was playing out in The Isle of Man. Once I’m back from Jersey I’m going to try and assemble some of the more recent screen footage, particularly the piece they screened at BAFTA where I played Shakespeare’s angry ghost. I haven’t updated my showreel for years. It still starts with a montage for Christ’s sake. Time to make it work for me, so strangers who check me out don’t get a random selection of scenes from a decade ago. Groundwork first.

I’ve been helping people reach their full potential today, in Rochdale, and helping them understand how, to a stranger, there’s nothing they can use to work out who you are other than what you give them. And that material can be curated. I need to get on that. Nothing like teaching others to help you teach yourself.


Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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