96 beers

There are a number of different types of investment that people can make in this world. Some are material, some are spiritual  Some are wise, some are unwise. Some people invest in stocks, others in pork futures or lemons – in that lovely young man with the shining eyes, in cryptocurrency, stopping the badgers, the future, aura cleansing, the past, stuff that only she understands – in shares, Tories, startups, kickstarters, my great aunty Ethel’s clever grandson, currencies, that one, fitness, a decent financial advisor. 

I’ll be having a crazy Christmas round my flat as usual, even if the heating isn’t fixed yet. But it will be. And lots of people who are stuck in London will bring their version of Christmas to my flat. Today I invested in my version of that Christmas. I didn’t put 70 quid into an envelope marked “plumber fund,” so everyone could be toasty warm. No no. This is “Captain priorities” here. I “invested” in 96 cans of beer. 96. Cans. Of. Beer.

Everything is just a mix of its component parts. And there are surely people out there who insist that Christmas is not Christmas without beer. YES You! Whoever you are, If you’re stuck in London in December dreaming of Kronenburg then DO I HAVE A CHRISTMAS FOR YOU!

Tesco is clearing their stock of Kronenburg 1664. They want £2.99 for a 4 pack. That’s 75p for a can of reasonable beer. I had three able bodied men with me. And so, knowing that even were I to drink none of them they’d still all go to guests within a year, I asked for 4 crates. They had them. Now they’re stacked up by my Buddhist altar. I might have to move them as that’s not a karmic association I particularly want, especially considering I meant to be at a meeting this evening chaired by a friend and I ditched it because I’m hosting two people here 

Tom and Tom, tonight. Brian has kindly given his bed over to Tom, the director of Christmas Carol. Another Tom is on the sofa, so Brian has gone to stay at his girlfriend’s. I cooked Nigel Slater’s “Toad” recipe because it’s bloody marvelous comfort food. One of my neighbors came by unexpectedly. We all ate as much as possible, and attempted to sort the world out. Until I suggested walk to the shop through the mild evening, which left me with all this beer.

If you’re stuck in London for Christmas or know anyone – (too expensive to get home over work commitments/ you  live too far away etc) – let me know. I have Christmas round mine every year. There’s going to be more on offer than endless Kronenburg, but that’s a start and a statement of intent.


I love to have friends or people I’ve never met before, and feed them and play games and have a day of it. We can sleep a fair few here if we put our mind to it and nobody is too fussy about inflatable mattresses etc. There’s plenty of games and story books here. It’s always glorious and random. I only ask that people bring something that is Christmas for them…

Let me know if you’re stuck, or know anyone that is.


Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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