Buy Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Now Now Now

I had plenty going on today, but I have no desire to blog. I’m not feeling it. There are two brilliant people staying in my flat who make websites. They’ve been showing me their work and discussing their worldview. Also I’ve gone into an audition and found a producer that I used to hang out with when I was at college. Small world. I spent time walking through the dying world, wishing I was in deeper countryside where I could appreciate it even better. I’ve had lots of thoughts and feelings, as we always do, every day, because we’re human.

I haven’t wanted to sit down and write about them though. It’s been tricky recently. This daily blog carries a penalty in time. I don’t want to frequently serve you a Cup-a-Soup. I want it to be good food, maybe thought provoking, possibly witty, certainly honest. In the last week or so I’ve had my content examined and I’ve thoughtlessly put up unwelcome photographs and had to change them and then not been able to adjust the Facebook preview. I haven’t been trolled yet, which surprises me, but I suspect Facebook’s algorithm is doing its annoying work to perpetuate these echo chambers we all live in. I don’t seek to be trolled, bear in mind, far from it, I’d hate it. I’m just surprised someone hasn’t found some reason to pile in, considering that seems to be the purpose of the internet for some people.

In my head this blog is only for a small group of people. And for me; to force me to do something daily, to make me accountable to those of you who read it – (thank you) – and to help me fine-tune my conversational prose so I can turn it into something more than just a regular daily thought-dump once this year is out. The fact that some people seem to enjoy it has occasionally made me consider reaching out to a wider audience, with the idea of a bit of extra cash. I suppose I could that do by sending some poor inundated editor some highlights or something. We’ll see. I’m not going to end up like lots of the blogs I read:

“Oh my God you guys, you wouldn’t believe this! I just bought some Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula and it totally changed my life!! I thought my skin was looking old and saggy but what happened next will just astonish you!!! It’ll make you reassess your whole evaluation of divinity!!!! I rubbed it on my skin and then I LITERALLY had sex with Aphrodite, right here in my bedroom full of clothes, with the cat watching. She emerged from a scallop shell and I felt her rich butter soften and smoothe and relieve my dry skin making me feel youthful and omnipotent. Now I’m toned and ready. Thanks Aphrodite, and thanks Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Formula. Although *jokey voice* Who’s going to clean up this giant scallop shell? *jokey voice off* *Speedy voice* Contains Behentrimonium Methosulfate, supernatural unions not guaranteed, Aphrodite’s decision is paramount,  always read the label.”


Sorry if you’re after cogent arguments and well constructed thoughts. Today is about filling half the blog with a fake advert for the first thing I see on my shelf.

As Brian pointed out when I said I didn’t feel like writing anything: “There are a lot of words in the world, Al. Just put some of them together.” Achieved.


Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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