Batman.

21 days in and I have multiple friends descend on this town simultaneously. I’ve got a car so naturally I slip into the mode of Barclay the chauffeur despite pokey insurance coverage. This involves waiting around the airport lots, driving round in circles lots, and not drinking. The not drinking bit should be easy since I’ve been doing that for the whole time I’ve been in LA. But these friends have little truck with such behaviour, as I am to find out. 

First of all we are wholesome. Robyn is a Buddhist and there’s a lot of Buddhism to be found in Los Angeles. We go to both of the centres in Santa Monica. She wants to buy something and the first one doesn’t have it. When we get to the second we go in and chant for a good while. Good to get something spiritual done, knowing what’s going to happen later. I drop off Robyn and head across town to the W Hotel. I’m going to the Lego Batman premier party.

 

Of course it is round a pool. Of course it involves a free bar and nibbles. I’ve taken the precaution of driving myself there so I know I have to drive myself back, which means I won’t rinse the free bar. It’s nice to go and get lost in a great industry party in LA. Nobody jumps in the pool which surprises me. In fact everyone is really lovely. I have a good conversation with Rosario Dawson with no idea who she is. I then have a better conversation with her uncle, who is a dude, lived in Basildon for a while, and loves making theatre. I know a bit about being a cool uncle. Natch. After a while I feel the lack of business cards. I never want to be that guy, but a couple of people ask. And I tend to do my business by meeting people so I think they might be a handy investment. Especially since the longer I spend out here the more I think I would like to try to come out here for three years on an 01 VISA and just change it up. It helps that I’ve spent much of the day with friends as it reminds me that travel is possible and that moving here won’t mean saying goodbye to them forever as if I was going to Mars for Elon Musk. Perhaps if I find a way to subvert the wankiness of the card, built into the design of the card…

 

I need an agent in the UK who also has a branch over here, or at the very least some contacts, so I can make this visa thing real and have stuff to go to once it’s sorted. Top priority. I will try to reverse engineer someone from here, but my friends are in London. If anyone has a mate who is an actor’s agent in London, even the bottom of the pile at a place with transatlantic connections, link me in with them on email or talk to them or something and I’ll send them my stuff. By Pm. It’s time time and past past time for a change.

  

At the party everyone stands around a pool talking to friendly arty strangers. It’s a good way to spend a day. And since Cara had had plenty of wine it’s easy  to persuade her to have her photo taken with me and the poor people in batman related flumpsuits. I know all too well what it’s like inside those bloody things having done Pudsey the Bear once and almost spewed in the helmet while children were hugging me. Even if you’re dying you still have a smile on your face. That’s probably a metaphor for how I’ve lived my life for the last 14 years. But I was boiled, sweating, crying and suffocating. And people were shouting PUDSEY and bundling on me with all their weight and warmth.


I have now just dropped my car at home and I’m getting an uber back to Sunset Boulevard. I’m never going to catch up to Cara but I can allow a couple of drinks since it’s Saturday night, and my other UK friend is also at a party, also on Sunset Boulevard, 2 blocks down. Since I spent the morning attempting to make my energy resonate with the universe in a Buddhist centre, a coincidence like that is not one I’m willing to overlook. So yeah, the universe wants me to to have this drink, okay. And who am I to fight the will of the universe. Glug glug glug.

Author: albarclay

This blog is a work of creative writing. Do not mistake it for truth. All opinions are mine and not that of my numerous employers.

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