Much better today.
We are in rehearsal for As You Like It. Coming to the end of the process. Tomorrow we will play to an audience of friends who have done this work before. Some of them will have played the parts we are playing on this very job. They will give notes. Some of them are “when I gave my Hamlet, I made this choice etc”. Others are “Do you really think that The Scottish King would wear Green?” But a few are like : “Why are you making it harder for yourself unnecessarily in X moment.” For that reason, it is golden.
This is quite a precious process. We have made this thing, the five of us, in isolation. But this thing we have made is for public consumption. So now we have to move from the realm of ideas into practical reality. It will always be a jolt. But we are ready for it.
Sure I’m still paraphrasing bits of prose. I know that will be happening at this stage. My mind is on staging right now and physical choices. The words are the liquid. They come easy so I’m pushing them down the priority list. But tomorrow I’ll have to bump them up a bit. “Are you not aware of the rhythm of that line?” I don’t want that note. So I’ll have to be aware of that shit tomorrow…
Tomorrow is basically the big high pressure day. After tomorrow it all gets easier. But until tomorrow… Aargh
I had a long chat with someone close to me just now. Didn’t bring that in. It’s tough for her right now.
It was good to hear her issues so I could forget about the fact I’m nervous about tomorrow. I tried to offer decent advice. It’s hard though without full context, but it feels from the outside like her direct boss is dealing with past trauma that causes him to mistrust and cut out his deputy. Likely he had a deputy screw him over on a past job. Shitty for her though who is just trying to be her best self and getting stuff back from him that reads as classic clear bullying even if she isn’t reading it like that. She is full of positivity towards this guy, trying to find reasons, looking for ways in which she might have escalated it… I just want to pick him up by his ankles.
I have only ever once in my life experienced stuff like that. It’s impossible from the inside when it happens, I know that. It wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t my superior’s fault. It was a clash of worldviews. But I could never have sat my boss down and said “You’re constantly treating me like absolute shit needlessly and making everything harder for all of us in the process.” They were my boss. They pay the bills. And occasionally they take half my wage from jobs they have nothing to do with.
But yeah, when someone above you is being a dick and you know you’re in the right, the best thing is to just walk. But if you’re in a vocational job it’s harder.
There’s surely a way to solve it… But I think of my example from my life and I know there’s no way on God’s green earth I’ll ever do another live event if they are my direct superior. I can’t be fucked to be someone’s whipping boy.
I really hope this works out… She ain’t a drinker so the social stuff is less available to her. She’s not judging anyone but it’s telling how much work happens in the pub when it comes to allaying people’s insecurity.
AlBarclay 