I’m enjoying existing today. I just got out of the bath. There were civilisations beginning to burgeon in my armpits. I think one of them was on the verge of a nuclear age when I just washed them away with a deluge of water and some of Lou’s excellent rose scented soap.
I sometimes imagine that this planet is merely a strange cell in some incomprehensibly vast being operating on a schedule of time that means nothing to us its so slow. The whole observable universe to us is merely the equivalent of a tiny tiny portion of the interior of this being. We are no more significant than this single cell in it crawling with disease, trying to spread. And maybe the being we are infecting lives on a planet that is itself just an infection and so we go out and out forever and as it gets bigger and bigger time slows down more and more. There are my daydreams… The idea that we are cosmically unimportant, a tiny weird error. It gives me more hope than when I see people think of us as somehow mattering. If we are just a weird mistake then we can largely exist according to the rules we’ve all made up together and try to have a nice time. If we think we are here on purpose because of SKY PERSON that not everyone believes in, then we are justified to behave awfully towards anyone who is wrong about SKY PERSON. Also it allows various iterations of this fleshy mistake to play the rules generationally and position themselves where they can say “I’m an important flesh thing, so I can make other flesh things go to places or do things or have things happen to them. And other flesh things will help me do my desires.”
I’m not making any sense am I? If I’m not making sense to myself I’m surely not making sense to you. It’s cold and I’ve been on my own a lot and then I lay in a bath and soaked and all the heat pushed my brain into thinking too much about nothing and everything.
But yes, I’m enjoying existing. I miss Lou, she’s back in the hard work tech madness. The cats have been good company and Brian and Maddy are back now so I’ll see people. I’m going to do my tax return, the rest of it, tomorrow. So I don’t vanish into my own head again.
Tonight it is already late. I’ve had a lovely day but achieved nothing. Now I’m gonna read my book and listen to the wind and the rain outside. Thank God for this wonderful place to live.
AlBarclay 