Ninja Plumbers. The clue’s in the name. Stealthy, unseen, painful.
I sent them a video ages ago and told them exactly what was needed. A new tap in the kitchen. An adjustment to the pipes under the sink. I was clear about it. I’ve been bitten before by tradesmen. Was hoping they would come with a tap like I suggested and some valves. That’s all we needed. It’s very very hard to find someone who will come to this post code and not slap a load of hidden charges onto the bill. I wanted to avoid the callout and made it very clear I was in no hurry.
How much did they charge me to change the kitchen tap? I dare you? Make a guess? Say it out loud.
It’s more.
The first figure he gave me was about £475. The work was done already by this point. I was so horrified I could barely speak. Eventually we got as far as £430. And I paid him. I had to. Couldn’t look him in the eye. I am still fuming. I paid £430 to change the tap in the kitchen. Just to stop a harmless but annoying water hammer noise. £430 is the amount I paid for that work. A business charged me £430 for a tap change. A change of tap cost £430. Four hundred and thirty British pounds sterling. £215 per half tap. £107.50 for a quarter tap. £53.75 for an eighth tap. Over £25 for one sixteenth of a tap. Over £13 for a single 32th of a tap fitting. Over £6.70 for a 64th.
I’m saying this a lot just because I need to look at it from many angles, just to see if there’s one where it doesn’t look so fucking absurd. £430. Four. Hundred. And. Thirty. Pounds. To change a kitchen tap.
The worst thing is, I dared to dream. These guys are local. “Maybe the Chelsea Tax isn’t applied when they are local,” I told myself. £430 for a tap change. For a change of tap £100 times 4 and £10 times 3 all added together.
I’m gonna need a lot of plumbing in the next year or so. I’ve needed it for years and I’m trying to look at it, but I can’t do it with no fucking money left and if all the plumbers are like this. I have not done it yet because every fucking time without fail they see me coming and that ole Chelsea Tax is applied and it drives me mad.
I once got a quote over the phone and then after I gave my address they phoned me back and slapped another £200 on the quote. “My guy quoted you wrong.” He didn’t know where I live yet. It’s fucked. It’s fucked. It’s fucked. I still need to find a plumber that isn’t gonna do that. Anyone with leads in the area, send them my way. The guy today was solid, I liked him. But he hadn’t seen the video I sent, hadn’t brought the tap and piping like I suggested, took the long way round, ended up somehow charging £430. To fit a tap. Tried to charge more. A tap to fit, £430, for a tap a kitchen tap in the kitchen, a tap a tap a tap. I’m pretty fucking sure he went shopping on the clock and had his lunch.
He charged me a decent week’s wage to fit a tap.
I want to be sick on him. Big chunky bits of sick. He can afford the dry cleaning.
I’m gonna go test it now. I haven’t even checked to see if it comes out hot.
It comes out hot. At least he fit it ok. If it goes wrong… It won’t. It mustn’t. It can’t.
BEHOLD THE TAP OF MONEY
Probably shouldn’t link the business like I have but I’m not saying they’re a bunch of thieves. I’m just saying what they charged me and talking about what I got.
Fatima’s next job could be in plumbing, she just doesn’t know it yet.
Unbelievable.
£430. Four Hundred and Thirty Pounds.
Am I out of touch? Have I died and woken up in the future after crazy inflation? Or is that way way way too expensive, particularly considering I told them ahead of time precisely what was needed? What do we need a callout when the job is known? I should have bought a tap. Two hours on YouTube and the price of a tap and some tubing.
Or £430. Nah. Doesn’t look good from any angle.
AlBarclay 