Month: October 2025

Hi.

I’m glad I love what I do.

After the walk last night I was exhausted. I don’t think I had taken inventory. I slept a bit but woke up so I could morning it with Lou. As soon as she went to work I was down like a rock into a stream and slept with unusual dreams and cats until my cleaning lady woke me up at about eleven. Then I started a VISA application in bed.

It takes a VISA application, it seems, for the penny to drop that oh yes, of course, I have a job. A job I have. Acting I will be doing for gainful monies in the United States of America. Oh the joys. First though the paperwork. How old was your father? Last few trips to America? Do you like murdering? How many times have you eaten grouse?

I was dozy though, still, fighting through the paperwork. I think my body is battling something off again. Change of seasons and all that. Throat lurgy, but then I’m using my voice a great deal outdoors right now.

At 4pm I finally abandoned the admin, mostly completed, and I gathered up my costume bits and off off off to The Globe. Same client, slightly different material. We did it intimately and were much less hectic. Could have been unmiked this time, but the microphone meant we could speak quietly. We both have the technique, but we also both do film so we can split the difference. Happy client, happy us. And it all ran very quickly.

They fed us too. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. Usually it’s to do with how frantic it is in the kitchen. They had time this evening and we both got a beef wellington, some paté and some apple crumble.

I don’t even want to think about how many years I’ve been doing event type stuff in that building, it’ll make me realise how old I am. Event stuff, Education stuff. There are a few people I know who have done all three. I need the third.

I’m home now. Ffion and I again, cementing our working relationship. I’m gonna leave her with my costume when I go to America. If they book any dates when I’m away I have many actors I would gladly recommend and rely on. The ones who are left. Confident, stubborn, touched, kind, strange, human and so varied but bound by a string of shared experience and practical optimism. “I’ll make this work but whilst it isn’t working I’ll get really good at this random mad thing and do it too on the side so I can eat cake and pay for tickets to watch my friends”.

Ffion could tell I’m tired. I’ve been burning the candle at both ends a bit. Even this morning, when I wasn’t fully awake I wrote an email looking for more clearance work. I do like to do things. But I kinda need to just snooze for a day. Thankfully this weekend it is just walkies.

We decided to add another date to the walk at short notice as we sold out. That was tonight. Problem was, Jo couldn’t do it. She’s the gin hag. She’s been doing this for a decade and is perfectly happy to be the spooky buxom older lady. She serves everyone their drink with boils on her face, then she pops up on the heath with a shopping list of filth, then she is a bride of Dracula, then a nun, then the ghost of a body snatcher victim. She has written monologues, she has made props, and she drives everything around behind the scenes. She’s ace.

I ended up having to be her this evening. Canice came in as the guide as we had him in the back pocket anyway because I’ve always had tomorrow at The Globe and tomorrow was always gonna be sold out at the walk. I can’t be in two places at once, more’s the pity. Canice was my solution.

The costume stuff I have in Canterbury came in very handy. I can’t actually be Jo, but I can do her track with Bergie. We had to cross load everything from her car to mine late last night. Then tonight we loaded it all back after the walk.

Evening found me wearing the most ridiculous frock and serving Vermouth to strangers in the dark. Then I drove to a little car park and jumped out from behind a tree and convinced one guy to vanish off with me for a moment, then return him and rush back and drive to a church, change into a little sequin number and be the bride of Dracula right next door to Boy George’s place.

Then back in the car and drive with the dress to the Duke of Hamilton where I had to persuade someone to come out and unzip me. Then dress up as a nun and sing, run back to the car, drive to Gaucho and let people throw things in the door as they run past, then drive to another church and put on a mask and tell a sad tale. It’s a very odd very varied populated walk and there are four people needed to run it. Lovely to understand someone else’s track. I’ve only experienced it as the guide, which is complete enough if I can have perspective on myself. Doing Jo I felt the lack of Jo. I am always gonna be a man in drag if I’m wearing a dress. Sure I can lean into it but it makes it a different show.

I’m exhausted again and it is late. I’m eating a fish pie. The cats are being glorious. Lou is fast asleep, I hope. All is well.

I just need to stop.

I would have a bath but I think I’m too tired, I might fall asleep in it or while it’s running.

Picked up John and we were out of London early, down to Dargate and loaded everything from the unit but a fuckton of cables and five candelabra. Drove it all to Canterbury for tomorrow-Al to deal with. Took ages to pack it nicely. That unit is full now. Tomorrow-Al has work to do. Today-Al drove back to Dargate, got everything and drove to the lads at Whitstable Metals who took the cable and some other bits he didn’t have headspace for. They took it. Done. Dropped the flight case back in Canterbury. Haggled over price successfully for the Canterbury unit. Closed the Dargate unit. Done and done.

Drove John to Dartford station. Out to Ipswich. Picked up a mirror. It’s a long fucking way to Ipswich. I was tired when I got there. Had to get over to Hadleigh next to get a cabinet. All the roads were closed. It was dark.

John with the cabinet is a good lad. Clearly just lost his parents after a long illness. He’s flogging everything himself rather than pay someone like me to get it all out. Only £25 cash for this cabinet and he helps me carry it in. His back is fucked. We have to stand it up in the van. I’ve got no ratchets today. I wasn’t expecting a glass cabinet. It’s 6pm.

On an unfamiliar road in Ipswich I’m using twine to secure an antique glass cabinet to the side of the van. It’s already too late in the day.

I drive back to London at ten miles an hour with the hazards on. Loose metal candelabras and a fucking insecure glass cabinet and a great big mirror – I’m not taking any chances. I eventually get it dropped off and I’m so tired on my way home I drive over a “bus gate” and down a street that is clearly for buses only. That’ll be my whole days payment I reckon to TFL with admin fees from the van hire company.

I’m exhausted. At least I got fed. And the unit in dargate is empty. And some of my costs were covered, depending on bus lane fine. Jesus how is anyone supposed to make a living being self employed. It’s almost like they are trying to force people to join the system. Maybe I should be in Cyber?

Caroline and James gave me ramen. Better than a steak bake.

I’m going to sleep. Oh fuck and it was my mum’s birthday.

This is the reason I’m holding onto those ten wheelie wardrobes. Ffion and I looked brilliant tonight down under the globe. It was a big night for a company that runs a network of unutterably vast international container ships. Pictures of piles of stuff that I would be freaking out if I was told I had to move them. Big big metallic things and you can fill ’em up and do what you like with them. Maybe I need one of them on some land for the wheelie wardrobes. Where’s my stately home when I need it? In my heart, a little part of me still lives in Eyreton, but Eyreton in the home counties somewhere and not The Isle of Man. These days though I’ll just have to win Omaze.

We did three Shakespeare scenes over dinner. A bit of fighting, a bit of love. We got a cheer for the kiss, I got them baying like hounds with me, we had moments of nuance and moments of humour. A Greek guy caught us as we left. “I understood you even if I didn’t,” he said. Ffion said “English people don’t understand Shakespeare. You’re doing well.”

It hangs together, this corporate offering we have built. It’s almost as if we have been refining it for two decades. And the costumes we plundered for it from those damn wheelie wardrobes, they really leveled it up. They are made of good material, but made with skill for theatre. Ffion was out of her dress faster than I was out of my doublet. It’s all one piece, pearls and ruff and all. Poppers and zips in all the right places. We are both gonna isolate and hang these costumes as they are perfect for this work. I might dig out a cape to finish it off, and maybe a little feather hat. And I’ll likely offer the wardrobes as a resource for AFTLS and my upcoming tour.

About two weeks ago they asked us if we could do it without microphones. Ffion insisted we needed them. I was saying at the time that we could hold it even in that space with projecting. Ffion was right to insist. I was dead wrong. That space is an absolute fucker. “Imagine if we hadn’t been miked,” I said to Ffion after… She knew it had been her work that we were. Thank Christ. These guys in the audience, they do logistics and largely have English as a second language. Even though there are overlaps now with my world and theirs, I know they’ll want to talk over it. My events lads, they aren’t the type to think they understand or like Shakespeare. But they know hard work when they see it. And they appreciate what they can’t do cos they do what they do so well. But the second scene, the rowdy scene… They were rowdy. We held our own as we know the material works and we trust the relationship. They were quiet when we needed them to be, somehow. Energy and connection. Still firing on all cylinders. But thank God for the microphones. I can reuse my costume, it isn’t absolutely drenched in Halloween actorplasm.

I’m heading home on the tube now with my costume on my lap. A lovely evening. Another one on Thursday. It’s all part of the weft.

I’m sitting at The Old Bull and Bush listening to punters who have been before. I ordered a trio of roasts as it is fucking gorgeous. “They must like run ahead of us and change their clothes in a bush,” says one of them. There’s certainly a bit of that sort of thing going on. “There’s this guy in a hat who distracts you while they run past…” I should put that on my CV. Distracting man in a hat. It is a marvellous hat. Out of the Glyndebourne hoard. One great big battered stovepipe that fits me perfectly. It wasn’t battered when I first wore it. I could probably fix it pretty easily, but I like the feel of it twisted up like it is. It matches me.

As always I like the punters for this. I prefer them to the people you normally hear shouting about wine in the West End interval. They fancy an unpredictable walk no matter what the weather, and they are happy to book it weeks in advance.

Now I’ve eaten I need to get my energy back. Unbelievable amounts of food. Really lovely but I’ll be asleep when I walk them over the heath unless I digest this quickly. Likely will have to solve it with coffee.

Zzzz

Did it did it. Sorry though, short blog today. Lou is over for the first time in ages. She’s telling me all about the theatre she’s working in. She’s on a kids show for a bit in the daytime at St Martin’s. I had no idea it was so small there…

Siwan has been running these Haunted Hampstead Halloween walks for ten years now. I’ve been on board since 2020 with a sabbatical last year when I went up to the RSC dahhling. They are a delight and we sell out every year. Very occasionally my friends decide to book and come. I don’t sell it hard intentionally as I know it will sell anyway and there’s no joy in playing to an audience who have booked because they think you need them to book.

I’ve started to recognise the regulars now. One guy this evening in particular caught me at the end. We stop by the pergola, and I had struggled to find anything even slightly spooky about that place. He told me that the earth to build it was pulled up from deep underground when they made Hampstead tube station, and that got me thinking about chtonic entities and how ancient earth can attract incomprehensible energies. He was happy to see how I’ve built that one conversation in a pub into the weft of my peculiar tour.

The whole crowd though, tonight – so many of them were familiar. You run something for ten years with such a small audience, of course it begins to attract the same strange people, just like that deep and ancient earth pulls entities. We hard cap it at 40 and that’s enough. Even then I’m having to fluff for ages while they catch up. I found myself wittering on about the nature of the George cross this evening on the top of Hampstead hill.

We all marched out on the heath again and I had friends from Wilderness Festival in the audience. People from my deep warm summertime connection event were with me as I strode into the darkness. These regular performance jobs where I curate and generate the content, they help make sense of this strange existence I’m carving out, all about connection and transformation and shifting energy. I was very happy to know that Gen and Ellie were there tonight. Last time I saw them I was working through some things in a summer field. God knows what I’m doing out there on the heath but it’s positive work in the darkness.

I’m knackered now and making pasta. Should probably stop it boiling. The cats want attention. It’s already late. A good night. A good night. A good night. Eat. Bed. Wash?

Back to Halloween Walking, but with the added fun of starting to really worry about money. It’s my own doing though and I can find a way out. Just have to act quickly. And pull back. Cheap eating and the fact I’m sober is helping. There’s really no point in drinking non alcoholic beer in a pub but for the social imperative to have a hand to mouth action while you’re in the place. It’s weird sugarwater. I eschewed it and drove home as soon as work was over.

Afternoon was a happy break. Claire is in the Harry Potter thing in the West End. She gets out between shows at about half four, so I went and hung out with her briefly for a coffee. She’s thrilled about the American thing – we looked at the tour dates and it is all too brief but still … I’m excited at the chance to see parts of the world I’ve not been to before. It’ll be over before it has started but the end of it will be the beginning of spring. I’m happy I’ll be distracted for winter. Just have to line things up before I go. I really really need somewhere that isn’t the most expensive place in Canterbury for me to put my ten wheelie wardrobes. The rest of the stuff in there I’m not really concerned about. I’ll have to find some sort of solution to all of Christine’s worldly possessions, as they are gonna become more and more of an expensive hindrance. They were only meant to be for a short time and I’m starting to regret my generosity now, as I both suspected and was told that I would.

Practicality. Damn. I need to be better at that stuff.

The walk will pay a bit I’m sure, but not loads. Oof. I’d do a commercial right now… Where’s all that telly work I thought I’d have when I got this old? Hope springs eternal. Being more efficient with the movement of stuff is key to this clearance work. I’ve got the rest of it down. Need to be activated and ruthless with the last piece of the puzzle.

Up to Windsor in the morning and I meet a guy who has been doing this thing of repurposing sets and taking out the trash for a long long time. He’s also Art Dept for a pretty damn big production company, so that’s an alignment as loads of the stuff he gathers can go back round into his own shows… He gave me some money for some books and there’ll be more money for some awkward candelabra that I’ve nearly jettisoned a few times by now. I’m happy they’ll have a new life and I need them gone now, I need to dissolve that unit ASAP and strip back to just the costumes and nothing else. The costumes are alive to me and in focus. Everything else is really just dead energy in my imagination. Too much of my money is going on it. It’s gonna become unworkable sooner rather than later, especially as the unit just put the monthly rent up unexpectedly by £100, which takes it from nearly too much to handle to definitely too much to handle. It’s a fine line.

Went to the lockup and grabbed a couple of wee bits and bobs I want to have to hand. Ratchet straps and blankets. Hard hats and high vis. Sat in a coffee shop for an hour and got wired on good coffee, and then spun over to Acton to help a friend with his stuff. He’s got a unit in Goldhawk Road that he wanted some things taken out of and moved. He’s letting me put the straps and hats etc in the gap we’ve made. Then I’ve got access to them West as well as North which takes a bit of travel out of the equation when I’m pitching for jobs.

Storage space, it really is all about storage space. The more you have the more you can do in this game. Even the straps etc. Either you live with them in your house, you find external solutions like I have, or you burn your budget buying them new every time you do a job. Unless you live in a great big house, having these bulky practical enabling things at home just encroaches on your living space. Tools. Materials. You need stuff to do stuff and you need to do stuff to make the money to buy the stuff and store the stuff so you can do the stuff and round and round we go and somewhere in all that you eat a sandwich.

Early next week I’ll rent a van and take it to Canterbury and grab some stuff to give to the guy I met today. At the same time I’ll finish emptying one unit, and then go home via Ipswich to grab some stuff for a friend while I’ve got a van, before taking the Canterbury stuff to Windsor and dropping them off with another stuff carousel person. I think it might be the beginning of something though, meeting him. If my next big removal job lands I think a lot of it might go directly to him and back into the industry immediately. Round and round we go.

A learning day again today, and much sorting. I picked up John in the morning and we went down to Canterbury. I hoped to consolidate everything into one unit and empty the van, but practically it wasn’t quite possible in the way I envisaged it. I needed to free up some space. Fortunately over the years I’ve met lots of people who do unusual things. About twenty minutes after I sent a video of the alien sarcophagus I found a prop maker who is converting it into a cryostasis tube for a show in town. Then a little later I got enough money to pay John into my account in exchange for nine euro crates full of nice old books that I was on the verge of just giving up on. The lesson, of course, is that time spent working on something reaps rewards. I’ve been conveniently forgetting to focus on these units, but I absolutely mustn’t take my eye off the ball with them anymore. I have to lower my monthly costs on storing this stuff or I’m throwing good money after nothing.

That said, Ffion met me in the storage unit at lunchtime having driven down, and we grabbed some costumes for a thing on Monday at one of my older regular money jobs. It’s been hard to get our heads together on that one and the client has been so slippery about money that my imagination has slipped away from them. There’s strange energy coming back so I’m not throwing too much of mine that way right now. I’ve got a fair few pies in the oven right now. But I’m happy we will look good while we work which is an important part of the deal. I’ll keep holding myself to a high standard even if it feels like they don’t care a spit about anything but the bottom line.

I’ll have to go back soon to that unit, I reckon I might be able to find a prop warehouse to take much of it. On the phone they always ask for photos, and it’s so bloody time consuming for no certainty that I’m tempted to just show up with a van full of stuff. With photos they’ll pick a few things and won’t want the rest, but if it’s all in front of them nicely packed in boxes I’m thinking maybe they’ll just take the lot off my hands.

When I dropped the sarcophagus off, they asked me if I had any wooden flats. I could have cried. But all that wood the other week went into energy via Riverside Resource Recovery so maybe that’s just where it needed to be. Everything at the right time.

It’s been lovely moving shit around with John. We were at Guildhall together. Lots of blood under the bridge since then and both of us are still switching the light on. I’m home now and tomorrow a little less busy but still shifting things. Canterbury is too far though, I’m gonna have to shift things to make myself more efficient as it always feels like a mission.

5:30 alarm. Coffee. Still using the grinder. Still loving it. Clothes. Driving licence. Angle grinder. Mask. Oh fuck.

I had put a little pot with yesterday’s daily disposable contact lenses at the top of the stairs. Boo had found it in the night. I need my lenses but they could be anywhere. I’ve ordered more but they won’t arrive until afternoon.

Thankfully it’s too early in the morning to panic. I just relied on my own chaos and found an unused pair in a random pocket of an old denim jacket. Into the van.

I got to Aylesbury at 7:40, and met the guy. He shows me the unit.

These units have been cherry picked. 100%. Probably happened when they were loaded in. Still my job isn’t to assess value. My job is to clear. I pulled everything where I could see it. Empty boxes that used to contain power tools suspiciously present. I’m fed up of seeing these theatre units stripped. They are stored at great expense in case of a remount.

Metal to the metal pile. Wood and junk mixed up as the local place doesn’t shred the wood. Marie arrives and then John. He rolls in with the Luton and I send him off to the recycling centre full as quickly as I can. We re-sort the second wave. Anything even vaguely decent goes into my van with all the mixed metal. Everything else to John. We are done by lunchtime and John is at the tip while I’m at scrap. Sorting it makes such a difference. Job well done I stop at Heston services. I’ve got a heavy bucket full of dead candles on my passenger seat as I wasn’t gonna pay weight to throw them. I’ll drive them to domestic some time. The back of the van is full of similarly random stuff, and one great big trolley that might be useful and might have to be cut up and binned, but that’s for tomorrow-Al.

Sitting in my van with a face full of Greggs sausage roll I answer a call from my agent. I’ve been waiting for this one. If it’s “yes” they call and if it’s “no” they email. I almost choked on my sausage roll. “Have you got a criminal record, darling?” “No.” “Good, well you’re going to America.”

That’s a fucking turn up for the books. This morning my filming took off the pencil so fuck it let’s get the hell out and reset my passion and make some new friends and see weird places. It’ll help me forget its cold. I’ll have to pack a hot water bottle.

Immediately all the practical stuff flooded in. We’ll have a lot of work to do. I love the play – As You Like It – and the line of parts is interesting. Don’t know who else is coming yet. But seems I’m off to America! Lou will be going to Saudi at the same time I’m in America. I’m lucky! If she was writing a blog she’d have to be careful what she put in it. The middle east is frequently depressingly autocratic, whereas for me it’s the land of the free, baby!

Right now though I’m just thinking about moving all this crap around. Then it’ll be form filling in, digging out my social security, working out the exact dates of my last trip, all the admin fun, plus line learning… Joy at the end of it though.