Ladies, Gentlemen, People of Indeterminate Gender: By the time you read this, I will be older. So will you, technically, but I’ve got a number changing. Just like we all watched our screens with dread to see if everything blew up when the millennium turned, so tonight I will be watching myself in the mirror at the stroke of midnight to make sure I don’t ping out of existence.
Tomorrow I will be in my fifties, unavoidably. I will remain in that state for some time.
Brian has been an excellent friend, attempting to persuade me to arrange something like a dinner. I have made no choices. I have mostly quietly hoped it will pass like any other day. Sometimes I am in the mood for party. Other times it is just a quiet observation of the inevitable sickle of old time.
I ordered a copy of my birth certificate in Jersey once for it simple reason that I wanted to know the time of birth so I could do my natal chart. They didn’t fucking tell me.
I think it was about 1pm. That’s when I mark the turn. I’ve had fifty years to work out what the fuck it’s all about and you’d think that would be enough but nope. Maybe it’ll all come to me in a flash in my dream as I turn the year again.
I had a Bone Daddy Tantanmen 2 with Cock Scratchings for lunch and I’m heating it up for dinner as it is generous. No harm in the same thing twice in a day, although I’ll need my aniseed suspension of Gaviscon cos it’s hot food late at night. This is what life starts to do when you get these bigger numbers in front of it. Forty years from now and if I’m still here I’ll be half robot. I’m trying to raise my chances, going to the doctor for checks and putting a pin in the oblivion juice. I’m trying to wake my body up with healthy vigorous walkies and better general choices. I’ll always be this slightly baffled friendly neighbourhood creative airhead, but there’s a body attached to the words and that body fought to exist fifty years ago, had tubes down the throat and got incubated until it worked out how to breathe. The obstetrician was an honorary godfather. I think it could have gone quite the other way right then, and can think of a few moments since, but I’m holding onto this experience for everything I’m worth.
It does mean I’ve invited nobody to anything cos there isn’t a thing going on and that’s fine.
I’m gonna put myself into hot water so I start the natal year clean. Then a good sleep and starting at a normal time for a change.
AlBarclay 