I just spoke to my brother – he’s in Australia. He’s off into the rainforest. “I’ll message you in 36 hours or so. If you don’t hear anything, I just realised nobody knows I’m going into the Daintree rainforest – it’s the bit that sticks out on the top right of Australia.”
I love my brother. “Don’t get bitten by anything,” I tell him.
Max used to pretty much always be doing this sort of thing. He’ll probably be camping. He’ll set up all sorts of traps in the afternoon, leave them overnight, come back in the morning. He’ll probably end up finding a new species. And he will have the absolute shit bitten out of him but he’ll be fine cos even in Australia the things that kill you aren’t swarming.
Having him as a brother has always helped put the tiny weird bits of nature into perspective. On a day to day, it means I’m not going to go bananas about wasps or spiders or beetles etc. I’m allergic to bees so technically they are actually slightly dangerous to me, and I still find myself helping people who aren’t allergic but are freaking out. The more you understand something the harder it is to fear it.
I’ve had people tell me all sorts of ridiculous things about various creepy crawlies, all with the certainty of the zealot. In this country, I’ve been told that millipedes are venomous. I’ve been told that centipedes have poison hairs and can’t be handled. I’ve been told that crane flies have venom, that daddy long leg spiders are capable of biting humans. I’ve been told that ichneumon wasps can sting with their ovipositor. I’ve been told that various harmless caterpillars are lethal. I’ve been told that various harmless mites can burrow into flesh, syriphids are wasps, carabids are ticks. Spiders are hunting us. So many people carry so much absolute bullshit about insects arthropods and other tiny creatures, and most of it is just inherited and thoughtlessly accepted. Parents with phobias have a hard job not passing them on, I get it. Mum was wonderful in that regard. She woke us up to share a huge tropical storm one night in Nassau, held our hand in the window looking at lightning over the sea. I didn’t find out until I was an adult that she had been terrified and had woken us up for comfort. I still love storms. One day I showed fear of spiders in front of dad. “Who taught you that?” Someone at school had reacted with fear. We went and found a spider together to see how it isn’t to be feared. Fear and dad couldn’t be in the same room as each other.
The entomological world is vast. We are very lucky in this country to have very little that will do more than an itchy rash. But Christ almighty people make up all sorts of absurd stuff to justify their phobias. “Aaaargh!” “Dude it’s totally harmless.” “NO IT’S NOT IT CAN BITE YOUR HEAD OFF WITH ITS FEET! IF IT BLEEDS EVERY DROP OF BLOOD SPAWNS ANOTHER SIX. IT CAN READ YOUR MIND!”
As a general rule, the creature isn’t targeting you specifically. It probably thinks you’re an interesting smelling warm plant thing. You’re unlikely to get stung by a wasp unless you trap it in skin by mistake or really piss it off by flapping like an idiot. But the waspfear brigade will tell you with good eye contact that “No, they target you.” etc. They’ll back it up with a story of how they have been targeted before. Listen to it and filter it through what you know of them. Because it’s confirmation bias.
Max will be fine I hope, blazé in a place with fauna that can actually kill you. He’s not alone out there. I’m happy for him. I know he loves his expeditions.
AlBarclay 