Back

Something in my back went properly today. Not properly properly but worse than usual. It started with the oven, but then was when Ollie’s whole weight was thrown towards me as I was lifting him. We were trying methods that didn’t involve my back, as I had asked for that. I wanted a servant to come in. Not sure how it ended up like it did but there I was being amenable as ever and it really fucking taught me to draw boundaries. I’m hoping it’ll only be a few days. I suspect it’ll be months but not as bad as this.

I could barely drive home. Turning in one direction hurt. My left leg needed to be extended so toes for clutch. Oh man. Eejit. I still have full range of movement, and I’m refusing painkillers as then I’ll keep moving safely through it, easing it out, making it better.

Now I’m home, I just ate dinner and I’ve run a hot hot bath full of salts. I’m about to experiment with half a xanax before bed. Normally I’d write this post wash but I’m doing it now so I can just fade into sleep. I bought the xanax ages ago alongside an order of mushrooms, just as an emergency option. Once in digs in York I was woken up at 1am with the worst toothache I’ve ever experienced and had from then until the shops opened in agony. Now I try and travel with emergency options. Xanax should take the edge off the pain and help me sleep. Might not help me remember my lines which is an issue, but tomorrow I’ll be straight and the pain will keep be focused. No audience until Friday. There’s time.

On the river, the boats are serving their usual Saturday night dose of weird party music. In the park, they’re finishing immersive Grease as they have done every night this month, pretty much. I hope they’re paying their actors properly. You can hurt yourself doing simple things in this profession. (I reckon the bulk of it was the oven).

The cats are being cute. I had a great dinner. I’m not regretting my sobriety one iota this evening. Let them drink. I’ve got my bath and my xanax, probably not at the same time. But I’ve lit incense in there and it is full of salt and now I’m gonna soak my aging bones, read my book, chill.

Taking my shoes off was interesting. Ah, movement is a precious luxury.