It was meant to be research, but it was a little bit more like two mates hanging out. Siwan and I, up in Hampstead. We’ve done the Halloween walk on and off for a few years now. It’s about now that we have to start thinking about it.
I was tired today. Didn’t want to do drinks so I drove up to Hampstead. Broke my journey meeting up with a young actress who is trying to work out where the cracks are in the glass ceiling. It doesn’t stop being shite but the joy is joyful. I wasn’t sure how much help I could be. I keep plugging away and nowadays people ask for me or give me nice profiley jobs from time to time and that’s a lovely thing. If I wanted to I could open up my can of worms, but we’ve all got one. They’re just worms. I work. That’s a magical thing. Yes, being recognisable would mean I work more because non-practitioners haven’t got as much imagination as practitioners. But I’m a lucky one. I can largely exist in my industry and tick over, even if I’m having to be resourceful in the gaps, I’m still here. Hooray.
She’s in a place I recognise. My parents were blocking the acting with every inch of life they had left, so I found David Munroe and Michael Mcallion to advise me. Gorgeous humans. They both died suddenly. My parents were busy dying and then the people who held space for me shuffled off suddenly and I got this horrendous hit of “if I love someone they’ll die” which took me about a decade and a half to unpack. Might have been quicker if I’d paid for therapy, I went for eccentricity, overtalking and booze, as I went to a CBT lady for one session and quite correctly realised that CBT is fucking useless if you’re ADHD as you’ll just yammer. It’s slow going the self medication route but fuck me you know who your friends are at the end of it cos they’ve put up with you. I’m alright now. Hopefully I can be helpful for this young actor and not immediately kark it.
In the hopes of that, I’m plotting Halloween with Shoe and its fun. We hit some walks and streets and stories despite the shitty weather. Now I’m home and gonna hit the hay but glad to have got out on the heath even if just briefly.
Lots of work for myself in the next month. I’ll need to be motivated and not distracted. This month will make sense of my next few months of life. I’m gonna need to be organised and resourceful. Plus I’ve got fucktons of line learning to do. Ugh.
AlBarclay 