Long quiet day today. I drew up my invoice for Paris but haven’t sent it cos I feel weird about it. I think I’ll just have to get over myself in that regard. I worked like a train, and just because I kinda enjoy not having time to think doesn’t mean that I’m not doing skilled work. “You enjoy it” is the principle under which thousands of actors put money into producer’s pockets at the start of their careers, often working hard for so little compensation that they end up having to do something else long term. Ali has been doing this event stuff for longer than I, so I should trust his judgement. I just pathologically try and make sure my working relationships are positive and I don’t like surprises. It’s the only way we get anywhere, keeping it positive and doing great work. The few times the positive has gone sour I can feel the domino effect into other jobs. People talk.
I’m still on all the WhatsApp groups. It’s weird. I’ve muted them but I’m aware of all the things people are needing. I’m having to stop myself from getting involved. It’s all building up towards the Paralympics. I’m only out of it a few days but it is already starting to feel like a world away. Line learning, Shakespeare and now I’m off for two days on a little country healing retreat before rehearsal starts.
Right now though I’m in bed and it’s just gone nine. I’ll be asleep in an hour I hope. Just gotta wait until the chamomile is drinking temperature. Behind me the muted street sounds that let me think it might still be summer because the window is open a crack. In front of me, Dreamland and chamomile.
I’m warm and cosy. I wish I’d been able to spend longer with Lou, I’m thinking of her and little Tessy over there in Brighton. But I’ve got clean sheets here as well and I can guiltlessly starfish and snore like a chainsaw.
AlBarclay 