I’ve known Mike for years when you break it down but we’ve exchanged just a few words over that whole time. He was in my van today. Ex copper from up Staffordshire way, he was one of my first cohort to be trained with assault rifles. He’s solid as you like. It’s funny to think how I’m actually pretty solid compared to many of my nearest and dearest because in this context I’m made out of cobweb. I arrived at work this morning having sprayed Tom Ford Ombre Leather because I bought a pot when I was flush. Sometimes I keep it in the car with me. Why not? Fuck it some people give a shit about that sort of thing. I don’t. But I wear a hat and aftershave and then I graft as hard as everyone else who doesn’t so it’s fine. There have been two jobs recently where I haven’t been able to afford contact lenses so I’ve worn my prescription sunglasses as the only vision I have. That’s been a bridge too far – people have commented negatively on that and I’ve been too proud to tell them I’m broke. Aftershave though? Fuck it, yeah I’m gonna wear chateau wank, and this hat. I’m working hard so finesse plus hat and stinkyjuice just makes a memory. I’m surrounded by people who I respect for their actual practical skill and their determination. My hat is really helpful for scale when I’m getting quantities of things. A bit of finesse and a bit of practicality.
Everybody has plenty going on in their lives, be it family, other jobs, vocations. The thing that binds us all is this strange joy in hard work. Although Ali is working later than he needs to tonight. It’s 9pm. He doesn’t need to be making orders on Amazon for stuff I could get at Decathlon tomorrow morning so it’s there in time for the deadline. And he could do it through his phone. I kinda wish I had paid the £7.99 month first, but he’s the one who paid for prime and he does things through his laptop. PhoneBAD generation. Tech wizard though. But… every time I start planning routes etc via phoneI feel like I’m on tiktok. There’s a generation above me that can’t stand mobile phones. I didn’t bring my laptop as it rarely gets used on these jobs. I’ve got my iPad I guess but usually I’m involved in being – (rymes with Clive) LIVE and my iPad doesn’t fit in my pocket. There’s an android app for everything, whether or not you like it. That’s how I’m doing all the things.
But Mike? Yeah I was on Mike. Solid fucker. I enjoyed his company. So yeah where was I … we rolled into CDG this morning after I missed the loading bay and had to go round again. By the time I drove him there I knew he had been a traffic cop so I’m basically driving one of the most highly trained drivers in the world. Fuck it. Paris traffic. I told him about priorité a droit and he was processing it for ages after. By the end of the journey I had clipped the kerb and tapped my mirror. I felt it more than ever before. It was like a three hour driving test. If he had been behind me he would have had reason to pull me over twice if he wanted to breathalyse someone. Interesting to learn that cops make me nervous.
The guys in the hotel we dropped off at are very willing but not particularly competent. There’s a lot of looking busy going on and very little busy. They rejected a load of stuff from a previous order that I think they’ll want later, and received a load more stuff, and I don’t think I saw one person there who I would describe as “handy”. Well groomed, yes. But they need someone like Roadkill to come help them out. Our team is loaded with handy people, but we are busy most of the time. There are so many companies involved here, so many people. But a lot of them are like frightened rabbits at the moment.
I picked up another cop and we drove all over Paris. The second cop is still copworking, and was asking advice from Mike. It was completely fascinating and nothing to do with the work I’m doing. I tuned in and really felt into the difficulty of the quandaries cops face. Moral and practical and legal questions. Their own language here, about when you involve the “pigs” and when you involve the “squirters” in different very gnarly situations.
I’m glad I’m just this wafting ponce with my hat and my van in this context. I’m sure the traffic cops could chow down on my vehicle operation, but they aren’t assholes. In fact I’m probably as surprised as they are that I enjoyed their company in the van all day, barring brief interludes to build stuff for friendly airport french people. I’ll waft to bed now
Goodnight my darlings. Or good morning. Good time of day. Darling. And yes I’m only saying it to make you feel uncomfortable. I tried hugging Curtis a few days ago and it was like being kicked by a mule.
AlBarclay 