August

Can we celebrate idleness?

I think we ought to.

Certainly when, like me, our stuff is public.

Yes I’m not writing it all here by any means. I’m only writing flashes. Thank God for that because even everyday life is richer and more nuanced than anything I can try to capture here with words.

Still. This blog is a shadow of a life now. Many years now I’ve settled and at some point put these words down before sleeping. I am trying to look back over them but I haven’t the discipline. What a mess of life I’ve already made. What could be made of it? Edinburgh is starting. “Do you have any fringe recommendations?”. *DON’T GO THERE!!* But maybe there’s a comedy show that would eat this stuff. I’ve thought about going toe to toe with AI.

I rarely go to Edinburgh. Maybe again one day. The only show I’ve ever been in up there got 5 stars in Three Weeks yay hooray etc. But… being in London for August has usually been bank for me because Cunty McAgentsign is doing his show up there so the casting director he knew at school has to work down the list and get new humans. Nowadays Cunty can send a tape of course so it’s not as good as it was for me when he had to show up in Soho. But… I’m allowing myself to believe that I might get a meeting this month. It has happened before many times over. Maybe even a job at the end of it. Meanwhile I’m mister Panda for a few days at the end of the month, and your friendly punching bag elsewise.

Maybe if I hadn’t been celebrating idleness this lovely weekend. But I know how working too hard can damage things too. I tried to do letters at the start of my career and they honestly did more harm than good. I tried to be different and I think I ended up being weird. I tried to deliver into people’s hands and probably have myself written into lists as a stalker. Fuck. I really want to work. I’m so fed up of nothing. Aaaaargh

Bring it August.